I'm about to walk into the first night of ministry here in Thailand and I have to be raw with you.
I am scared.
Walking up and down the road most famous for sex and partying in Phuket, Thailand, I realized there was something creeping up me that I didn't want to recognize — fear.
Fear that I wouldn't be able to see the hope. silver lining. joy. whatever you want to call it.
The Father has always given me the insight to see hope in what seems to be hopeless atmospheres.
I've always been able to find a silver lining to ever desperate situation.
Joy has never been something I've felt that I've lacked.
Now, intentionally deciding to walk into an atmosphere, situation and place that seems completely void of all those things that I've counted on seems suicidal to my spirit.
I know how dangerous it is to let the "what ifs" invade your thoughts, but I couldn't help it, even though I was walking down Bangla Road (nicknamed "The Devil's Playground") in the middle of the sunny, sweaty day.
Looking around, I saw laughing families, young happy couples and innocent youth.
I ask myself, how could there possibly be so much evil, darkness and despair?
Then I remind myself, what I see during the day can be drastically different from the night.
And tonight, I'm walking into the unknown.
But, as I reminisce, there have been other times I have walked into unknown, uncertain situations and every single time, the Lord has come through.
He says:
Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.
— Hebrews 13:5
He is my hope when hopeless circumstances surround me.
He is my silver lining when the dark clouds threaten to consume me.
He is my joy when laughter seems vacant.
I'm never alone.
**UPDATE**
God is so good and always faithful — He does not leave my prayers unanswered.
I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
from the great assebly.
Do not withold your mercy from me, Lord;
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
Psalm 40:10-11
Right after I wrote the post above, I went upstairs to worship with my team before we went to Bangla Road (where we will do ministry this month, loving on the women being bought and the men who are lost).
Song after song, the Lord reminded me that not only is He my hope, but He has also placed me in a community of women that shine His light.
God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him
and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another,
and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
1 John 1:5-7
The importance of community has been a constant lesson on the Race and now that I've lived in it for five months, I can't imagine a better way to live.
In that specific moment, God has used my community and worship to restore my hope. He gave me new devotion to shine His hope, glory and love when I was to step onto Bangla Rd.
I am not going at it alone. Jesus has gone before to claim victory over the enemy and together with my sisters we will walk in this truth.
For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory
that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world?
Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
1 John 5:4-5
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:57
If you're looking for a good worship playlist, include these. This was what my friend Lynsey Dawson played last night that helped restore my hope.
Give Me Faith — Elevation Worship
Where the Spirit of the Lord is — Chris Tomlin
Also thank you for your faithful prayers last night for my team as hit the streets. Our first night on Bangla Road was eye opening — it definitely wasn't the hopeless place that I expected. There is a lot of darkness, but our contact painted a hopeful picture for us. He told us to look out into the darkness over the ocean, how is seemed to cover everything in a black blanket, but when there is just one fishing boat out there, no amount of darkness can cover that light.
We are His light. No darkness can shut us out. With Jesus, there is always hope, a silver-lining and joy.
Please continue praying for my team, this ministry and me this month, your prayers are irreplaceable.
