Last week, I danced with angels.
As we were preparing to start Thursday night worship at our church here in Grigiopol, Transnistria, Moldova (link) I received a text from a friend telling me my mentor/spiritual mother had passed away that morning.
Today, I happened across Ms. Carla's blog and found a post from almost a year ago, November 9, 2011, titled: "Celebrating FOUR years with YOU!" A post she wrote thanking all her family, friends, strangers and angels who had encouraged and prayed for her in the past 4 years as she fought ovarian stage 4 cancer. This year, she entered into Heaven a day before she celebrated her 5th anniversary since she was first diagnosed with cancer — what a gift!
This is a quote from her blog post "Celebrating FOUR years with YOU!"
After I received the text, I walked outside into the crisp Moldovan air and looked up at the clear sky scattered with bright shining stars and moon. Though I finally let tears fall down my cheeks, I couldn't help but be joyful knowing that she was forever free of cancer, pain, chemo, tears, and was now hugging our Savior Jesus Christ. I sat outside for a little longer, talking with God and letting His peace wash over me.
When I finally went back inside, I was welcomed by music and angelic voices. Immediately, I joined in the singing and dancing as I imagined Ms. Carla doing the very same thing, yet in the true fullness of our Father's presence and love.
Ms. Carla has held an important role in my life since I first walked into her small group in the 9th grade. She was there for me during my years of rebellion against the church and God, as I tried to seek acceptance and happiness in the ways of the world. If I skipped youth group, she would text me, if I tried to deny the existence of God, she prayed over me, if I felt the struggle between Kingdom and world was too much, she encouraged me.
When I finally got to the point of choosing God over worldly temptations, she was there to congratulate and welcome me with open arms. Then she was diagnosed with cancer and it was my turn to encourage, get on my knees in prayer and text "I love you."
Not once did I see her lose faith in her battle against cancer.
In fact, she used to repeatedly say how grateful she was for her journey with cancer. She even went as far in one of her blogs to say she wouldn't trade being diagnosed with cancer for anything, because it had shown her the true power of God's miracles and what it looked like to truly rely on the Lord daily. (insert screenshot of blog)
As I witnessed her faith grow exponentially, a hunger for the same faith grew inside me. The more miracles I witnessed through her, the bigger my God became. For so long I had kept Him in a small box, only giving him small prayers, requests and thanks (hence my last blog). But I could no longer ignore His vast power. Time and time again, He would heal her in ways that left her doctors shocked and confused.
The longer she lived, the more she praised God, and the harder it got for me to ignore that I'm not meant to live a mediocre life of comfort. It was in her discomfort and absence of the promise of tomorrow, that Ms. Carla began to embrace all that God has offered to us.
When I prayed for God to give me faith like Ms. Carla's, a lie began to creep up that I wouldn't receive it unless I went through more, struggled more or suffered more.
God quickly answered, "When Jesus died on the Cross, all of Me became free to you for the taking. So, why wait? Why wait until you've walked through the darkest valley? My Presence is here now, in the present."
I finally understood that I didn't need to wait for sickness or suffering before I was able to experience all of God.
Knowing that I could chose to have all of Him now, I began to itch. I was so tired of being comfortable. In the comfort, I wasn't able to realize how desperately I needed God.
So, I chose to make myself uncomfortable — I signed up for the Race.
When I told Ms. Carla about the Race over a pastry and coffee at a French restaurant in Marietta Square, she gave a knowing smile. She always told me the Lord had a grand plan for my life, He gave me big passions for a reason. With the warmth only a mother could give, she hugged me and reminded me if I ever felt far and alone, just to look up at the night's sky, find the moon and remember she was somewhere looking up at the same moon.
I could never write enough words to convey the impact that Ms. Carla made on my life. I simply wanted to share with you all, my greatest encouragers, about a woman who is a key reason why I am here on this race, running so hard after my King. Her faith and life inspired me to choose the road less traveled, but the one that leads to the greatest treasure, which she is enjoying now until eternity.
Thank you Ms. Carla, for never giving up on me. Thank you for teaching me the importance of literally getting on your knees to pray in humility to our Heavenly Father. Thank you for your faith that did move mountains in people's lives. Thank you for showing me what it looks like to walk in health and claim miracles of healing over yourself. Thank you being an image of Christ in my life and so many others. You are missed, but not because we want to bring you back to this world, but because we so long to join you in the fullness of our Savior's presence.
Tonight and every night hereafter, I will look to the moon and smile knowing you have the best view of all now.
