“I’m 24, a brand new resident of Music City (Nashville, TN for those of you who don’t know), fresh out of college and eager to finally enter this “Big Girl” world that has been glamorized for me since I was a child. My apartment is in a quant neighborhood, just steps away from a park where I intend to have my daily walks/runs with my new Huskie, Jack. City life has always enticed me, and now I’m about to leave my stamp on this city that New York Times had labeled the #12 place to live in 2014. Of course I’ll find a job in no time, something involving fashion and maybe writing (Carrie Bradshaw would be so proud)! I’ll fill my weeks with exploring local coffee shops, finding the latest steals and trends in hole-in-the-wall boutiques, rock climbing at Climb Nashville, obtaining my yoga teacher certification, and simply enjoying my bachelorette lifestyle, until ultimately I’m roped in by that perfect combination of a Southern gentleman and an outdoor adventurer.”
That’s what January was supposed to look like. That’s what life was supposed to be. But about a year ago something happened…
I had just moved back to my hometown of Cookeville, TN and was scanning the aisles of Kroger trying to figure out how in the world I was going to survive this city’s sad excuse for an organic and vegetarian section. Earthfare and Whole Foods were not anywhere near to save me now. I had just pulled my cart up to the dried fruits and nuts, when I felt this sudden urge to text my mentor and friend, Shanna Fuller with a simple question.
Some background info before I jump into this story… Shanna is the co-director of Discipleship Focus, a 10 week summer program partnered with YoungLife and planted in Pigeon Forge, TN. I had attended two LIFE CHANGING summers there and the previous fall, participating in an extended version of summer program. I also might mention that even though Shanna is a woman of God I highly respect, talking to her somewhat intimidates me.
So back to Kroger… I reach for my phone, typed in Shanna’s name and hold my breath while I ask “Do you have all the leaders for this summer?” Internally I’m thinking surely they do, and even if they don’t they wont want me. Quickly I heard back (in typical “to the point” Shanna fashion), “No. Why?”
Oh gosh!!! It’s happening… that urge wasn’t from me at all… that was the Lord.
So I timidly typed out, “Maybe, kind of, sort of, I mean the Lord might be putting something on my heart about possibly being a leader for the summer.”
And Shanna’s response, “Alright. Let’s talk soon.”
So we set a phone date for later that week were I paced back and forth in my room and explained my “sort of, kind of” feelings towards leading to Shanna. We then agreed that we would both take about a month to just pray it over.
So half week goes by – still “sort of, kind of” feeling this leader thing… I mean I think I’d be good at it.
One week goes by – Yeah, I mean I’ve led in my sorority before. I’m sure this will be similar.
Week two hits – WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING!?! I’VE NEVER SPIRITUALLY LED ANYONE BEFORE… I’M COMPLETELY UNQUALIFED!!! Let me crawl back in my turtle shell…
But then I decide to open up my bible to A COMPLETELY RANDOM page and read. The lucky winner: Jeremiah 1, where the Lord comes to Jeremiah calling him to be a prophet. If you’re not familiar with it, here’s a brief (somewhat paraphrased) version of how that story goes.
God: “Jeremiah, I’ve known for a while now, but I’m appointing you to be this awesome prophet of the nations!”
Jeremiah: “Ehhh… I mean that’s an honor and all, but here’s why I’m unqualified to do it – 1. I don’t speak well and surely I don’t have the knowledge for this position. 2. I’m way too young. 3. There are people who are much better and more qualified for this.”
God: “Yeah I know these things already, but guess what? I called YOU to go. And don’t worry because you’re not doing this alone, I’m going to be right there with you the entire time.”
I got done reading the chapter and immediately knew that the Lord was taking to me through this story of Jeremiah. It was no coincidence that I had opened to that page, to that story. Were I was making a running list of what I couldn’t do, the Lord was combating each of my excuses with what He could do!!!
So my response after that was simple…”Yes.”
And that is really where I started to see obedience as a living, breathing branch of my relationship with the Father. Obedience suddenly switched from this domineering and disciplinary idea to this act of love. By saying “Yes,” I wasn’t signing up for my own self destruction. I was simply letting the Lord guide me to where He wanted me, then allowing Him to work.
I continued my month of prayer completely confident in the fact that I was suppose to lead, but I still had to make sure Shanna was on the same page. We scheduled a time to talk on the phone at the beginning of March. I began spilling my heart about my roller-coaster-of-a-month, going on and on for what seemed like and hour, and what was actually probably ten minutes of stumbling over words and pacing back and forth in my room. When I finally stopped to catch my breath, Shanna simply said “Well we would love to have you here this summer.”
So yes, I was a leader this past summer at Discipleship Focus. Yes, it was extremely tiring and challenging and I constantly questioned whether I was doing things “right,” but for every moment like that I had ten more where the Lord reassured me I was right where I was supposed to be, and He was right there next to me.
So great story…but what in the world does my January fantasy have to do with it??
Right after my summer at Discipleship Focus, I headed back home to Cookeville to begin my FINAL semester of college! Six and a half years after I originally started (In case you need a breakdown: 4 years at UT Chattanooga, 1 year off in Chatt., a fall off at Discipleship Focus in Pigeon Forge, and going on a year at Tennessee Tech in Cookeville), I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was feeling a combination of relief, fear, joy, and excitement! Especially with the prospect of moving to Nashville right around the corner.
I mean Cookeville is great and all, but Nashville is something new… lights, music, style, fast paced, appealing to all my senses!!!
BUT right when I got back from Discipleship Focus something else happened too… That small voice that I heard in Kroger came back muttering something about an idea that had been placed in my head a little less than a year ago. Any guesses what it said?
Ding! Ding! Ding! THE WORLD RACE!!!
My immediate reaction was an overwhelming “Yes” as I thought about traveling all over the world, visiting different people, places, and cultures for 11 months. I filled out the application without hesitation and pressed SEND. But just like the last time, doubts started raining down and realizations stared setting in.
This wasn’t like my senior cruise where I would come back after 5 days with souvenirs…This was an 11 month commitment.
I wouldn’t come back a bronzed goddess…My body would probably have a few bruises and scars and stories to share.
I wouldn’t be fed 24/7, all you can eat, gourmet meals…My stomach would get what was available. Some months I might be hungry, some I might be full, some I might be sick.
I wouldn’t be packing a wardrobe of sundresses and bikinis…I’d be wearing the same, smelly 5 tops and 2 bottoms for the 40th time.
I wouldn’t be going to shows or singing karaoke with complete strangers…I’d be worshiping my Father in different languages and settings with people who I would be living life with.
Yeah…that would be different.
AND WAIT!!! LEAVING FOR A YEAR MEANT I WOULD NOT BE MOVING TO NASHVILLE IN JANUARY!!!
I just let that settle in for a minute…two…three…
Ummm…Was I sure I wanted to do this!?
As soon as I asked that question, however, my mind traced back to the last time the Lord had prompted me to take a step of faith, and as I was dwelling on that time something clicked. God was teaching me obedience then. And from experience, I have learned that His lessons and His words are not exhausted. He continues to teach and build on them. And that’s what He was doing now! He was offering a extension to my education. A lengthy and exciting, hands on course in obedience taught by the most proclaimed teacher of all time. I would be crazy not to accept this life changing offer!!!
So…here I am, sitting contently under my parents roof in Cookeville as I patiently wait and anticipate this new journey that’s slowly creeping up.
I may not be in Nashville…but that doesn’t mean I never will. I’m slowly learning to trade in my timing of life, for His. And I think, just maybe, it will be a trade for the better!
Where have you seen the Lord teach you obedience? Was it hard? Why? What did He teach you in the process?
