I’ve always considered myself as someone who follows through. When I make plans I keep them. A year and a half ago I remember feeling as if my summer had been a complete waste. It started with me moving 7 hours away from all my friends and was quickly coming to a close without a single noteworthy moment. It was the last week of July and as I talked on the phone with my best friend Michelle, we joked about me showing up at her house in August and spending the final two weeks of summer together. Even though we laughed about it we knew it was what the both of us wanted, so I booked a plane ticket and she picked me up from the airport the following week. We woke up to lead screaming children at vacation bible school each morning, and filled our evenings with beach bonfires, deep conversations, night hikes, and random dance parties that first week. Inevitably, the final week of summer rolled around so we packed our bags and headed to Hume Lake for camp. I grew closer to God, closer to my friends, and laughed more than I ever had before, I also cried a lot when it ended. My decision to follow through and book that flight resulted in 14 days of sweet memories that made up the best summer to date.
What I’ve found out this year though, is a different type of follow through. The kind called, obedience. It was easy to be obedient to myself in order to have a good summer, but when God asked me to give up nine months of my life it was a tiny bit harder. I gathered up all my strength and said yes however, which is why I was sitting on dirty pavement making materials to build a house in Cambodia when I heard the song Hesitate by Judah & the Lion for the first time. Immediately I knew God was speaking to me through the song but I had no idea why. The lyrics said,
“Come as you are, bring me your heart my child.
I’ve waited so long for you to become all mine.
I won’t give up till I have all your love.
Don’t hesitate when I say come away.
Come as you are bring me your heart and find
I’m all you need, I’m all that satisfies.
Don’t hesitate when I say come away
Come away with me, come away and you’ll see who you are”
I did it. I left the country to pursue Jesus and the hearts of nonbelievers. So why did I feel so convicted when He spoke these words over me through a song? God was telling me to come away with Him when I already had and I was angry. I felt discouraged and incapable of fulfilling his call on my life. I sat in self criticism and told myself I wasn’t doing enough. I felt misunderstood, and defeated and I couldn’t understand why something God spoke over me made me feel this way. After all, God’s words are only supposed to make me feel special, so He really threw me off with this one. It made me sick to my stomach to think that God wanted more than I had already given Him. Cliche remarks about surrender were cringeworthy and unhelpful. It wasn’t until I tried to push aside my feelings that I finally understood.
During prayer I heard “Isaiah 55.” So I decided to check it out. The entire chapter hit me like a ton of bricks for many different reasons. Verse 3 said:
“Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live; and i will make with you and everlasting covenant, my steadfast, sure love for David.”
All of the sudden I had a full on cliche surrender moment that I had been resisting and misunderstanding. God was pleased with me. He told me not to be so hard on myself, and explained why those lyrics hit me so hard. He wants me to choose to come away with Him every day of my life. He wants my whole heart each day without hesitation. One step isn’t enough, He wants me to keep coming. As I draw nearer to Him, He will show me more of who I am and who He has called me to be. I encourage you to listen to this song, and more importantly to choose Jesus every day!
