The Creator of all creation comes into our midst, the timeless one enters time, the shapeless one takes shape in the humblest of forms and action so we can know the Father’s love. We forget our breath so easily and yet, it is one of the most vital things to our survival. Breathing gives life and yet we forget breaths – they go with the wind. We do the same with that which gives life to all: God’s breath.
I am the breath of life. I am each breath you take. Each moment in time is mine. You are mine. It is easy to lose me, to let breath become a habitual occurrence, but it is always sustaining you. I alone sustain you. My Spirit dwells within you and brings the life out of you. I shine through you. I have chosen to let my Spirit shine out of the depths of you because you are my beloved. When you turn away from me and follow the ways of the world, cracks form in the temple I have built, but be not afraid. Peace be with you. For when you return to me – the One who was and is and is to come, the One who is present always in the depths of your heart – when you remember me and let me shine forth in you again, I will shine brighter and people will see the golden light of your cracks. You will be more beautiful than humanity could ever let you be. I will chisel and transform you to be mine as you have always been, as you will always be. See my hand reaching for you. I want you, for you are mine and I am yours. You saw me blushing last night in adoration of you, adoring my creation through my creation. You see me in the creation that I made, that cannot help but sing of its Creator. You are my beloved creation that I made. That is why you can’t help but sing of your Creator. Don’t hide your voice, Meagan. Sing of your Creator. Let me come out of the depths of your heart, use your voice, and together we can sing, speak, radiate, shine. Your beauty is in the recognition of all that I am, of my beauty. When you look at the world around you and see all as beautiful, you are looking through my eyes. Let me always be the lens through which you see. Even when you have gone blind, you will see because you are mine and I am yours. We will be left in pure beauty that radiates from the purity of our heart and we will become one. Then it will simply be the beauty of all that is. You will no longer be. We will be. We will be outside of time and all that is. Then you will be as I am. You are mine and I am yours.
-Abba
God calls us to be transparent, to be vulnerable, to let others see through us, because in doing so, others will see the Spirit that is within. He is Immanuel, ‘God with us.’ Anyone who knows me has known the joy that comes from the depths of my soul, from Christ. It is something I exude and cannot contain. I have always had an endless stream of joy that comes from within, that comes from the Spirit of God within me. The gift of joy that God has blessed me with is something to love, to expand, and make blossom. It is a blessing in the world to see beauty and find joy, hope, and meaning in it. There is a time for other emotions certainly, but I have realized that I need to start choosing that joy in Christ through life’s struggles, not avoiding the struggles, but embracing the lesson within them. This past month in Cambodia has been really hard. It has been a first for me to be in a group of women who aren’t like me, who have different mentalities, who don’t always agree with me, who aren’t going to put up with my faults. God is teaching me to walk through conflict and struggles, to not be moody and keep things to myself, to voice my opinions and feelings. I am learning that I shouldn’t hide when I am not joyful because it makes me unapproachable which does not preach Jesus in my life. This past month has also been really beautiful. I loved the ministry and God showed me so much about Him and who He calls us to be through serving and through the servant hearts of the people we were working with, but who were serving us even more. We don’t know what comes after death, but we do know that God has set eternity in our hearts. Let that perspective shift your everyday life into a more joyful one – joy in the toil and burden of work because if you can find joy in that most basic of struggles, you may more easily summon and find joy in other areas of life struggles. “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” ~Ecclesiastes 3:11. Look for this beauty that is to come. See the potential of beauty in the way God is working in all people. There is so much potential to learn from each person in this life, to be blessed by the beauty that God has made, the beauty that is to come. The vastness of God’s love is contained in each body, in every person I encounter.
One gal on my squad told me that I have a lot of wisdom. I pushed it aside at first and figured she didn’t know me. Since then, I have heard the same thing from other members of my squad. If wisdom is something they see in me, why do I not see it in myself? I have noticed that I feed off of affirmation from others as I am talking or making a point. I don’t continue if I get the feeling that no one agrees with me. I still think what I am saying is true, but I choose not to put myself out there, to step out in boldness. We live in a culture of feedback on the world race which is a new experience for all of us. We still have not fully figured it out, but people give feedback to help build character. If it is not encouraging, it is not feedback. It is about who I am, not what I do. One squad mate told me I am afraid to give feedback to others because I don’t want to hurt others. When I asked him where he came up with that, he said he sees in me what he sees in himself. We talked about it for a while, and he kept asking more questions about where that comes from. I think it is rooted in a fear of rejection first and foremost, but it got me to thinking about how I let my voice be lost and forgotten. I realized that I devalue my words – I devalue what I believe, what I am feeling, what I have to say to others. It comes from growing up in a big family where it is easy to blend in, for your voice to be lost. I worry about fitting in and not offending others, so it is easier to devalue my words, feelings, and thoughts – to brush them to the side and not say anything. I also think that I will be misunderstood, that my words will be taken the wrong way. I am putting God in a box in doing that. He told me that he can see that my heart is pure, so what I have to say is coming from a pure heart, a pure place. If my heart is pure as Christ made it to be, it will come out in the right way. God is telling me to step out in boldness and not put him or myself in a box. I don’t need to stay in my joyful bubble. I can let my fear go. I can help others in their walks with Christ and point them to becoming more like Christ. God wants me to let my joy blossom but to also be bold and remember that I am more than just joy – I am perspective and wisdom and I am His. There is value in my words, so I should use them, more importantly, I should let God use them. God chose my story for me, so I should love it and embrace sharing it with others. I don’t have to hide it or myself. I don’t have to devalue my words and thoughts just because they are not the same as others. I can help others find meaning in life because I find life to be so full of it. I do have wisdom and something to share, something to bring to the table other than joy and encouragement. There is value in what I have to say, and I don’t need other people to feed off of when I have something to say. I only need Christ in me.
This is my prayer as I put His words into action and step out in boldness:
Lord, you alone know the purity of my heart. You know where the words I say are coming from. You know the words I will say before I have even formed them. Thank you for my mouth, for the ability to speak, to feel, to share ideas and emotions. In James 1:19, you tell us that we should be slow to speak. There is value in words, and you say this to us so that we might think before we speak, so that what we say will be formed in wisdom and love, that it might come from you and bring life. As Solomon discovered, wisdom is meaningless without love and action. Without silence around a thing, nothing has meaning or meaning that lasts, for silence is that by which we hear. You say to be slow to speak, but that calls us to still speak. You have given us wisdom with which to speak. There is value in my words, and I will no longer devalue what I have to say. I will seek to share the love, joy, perspective, beauty, and wisdom that You chose for me to walk in. I am more than joy, and I choose to accept that and to share the other parts of me that You have formed. I will speak and not be afraid. I will value the voice You have given me. Thank you for the way You see me. I choose to share the light You have given me to share – through my joy, that the flowers in the field will come to life and blossom as I dance by them and come into their midst without having knowledge of the trail of life that You have left in my wake. In Isaiah 60, the Lord says, “Arise, shine…they will come to the brightness of your dawn.” I choose who You have made me to be. I refuse to hide myself. I choose to shine for the glory of You, O Lord. You have always helped me to see the worth and beauty in all things Lord. I choose to help others to see that, to help people find the path that leads to You. In You, I will walk and speak in boldness. Thank you for valuing who I am, my Lord and my God. I too will value who I am. To you be the glory and power forever, Amen.
Bisous,
Meagan
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Month one has ended and we are off to the city of Chiang Mai, Thailand to work with lighthouse ministries. I will be working with women stuck in the cycle of human trafficking. Cambodia was quite an experience. I was blessed to experience the culture, learn some of the Khmer language, and make memories with monkeys, tarantulas, and coconuts. I learned how to drive stick shift on a motorbike down the back roads of a Cambodian village. I learned some guitar chords and how to play soccer! I got to see Angkor Wat, one of the seven man made wonders of the world. There has been so much that has happened, but my favorite memories consist of people. One memory stands out the most and pulls at my heartstrings – running with a little band of angels. Jonton, one of the kids, grabbed my hand when he realized it was futbol time. I shouted “futbol” for all the kids around to hear and they joined us as we ran towards the school. As we ran by the steps, more kids flocked to us and I was running in the midst of a crowd of children who were grinning ear to ear, laughing with them, excited for the coming game, looking up to me and following where I was leading them. I hope that I will always be running full force towards Jesus, grinning from ear to ear, excited for whatever is coming, and following where He leads me. The world we live in is so full of wonder. Creation is the most beautiful reflection of its Creator, of our Creator. Get out and take a walk with Him. God Bless!
