Fearing freedom in love

This past week has been difficult and restless for my spirit. I got back from TC not knowing if the race was for me. It was interesting because I had peace if I stayed or if I went. Either option I was ok with because I know that God is faithful to whatever he calls me to. I quickly realized he wasn't FORCING me to choose. WHAT!?!?!? What a good God we serve, he gives us the freedom to choose our path. He is asking me to have faith and peace to know he is with me no matter what!!
HE IS SO GOOD!!
Even in my unbelief. This revelation has brought a lot of insecurity and fear that God will not love me if I choose wrong. it has opened wounds and brought to surface issues of my needing to earn or perform for God's love and others as well. Through all this it is allowing God to show me his unconditional love in a deeper way.

And as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people to live. Genesis 50:20

The enemy is cunning he lied to me and told me I was unwanted, unloved, and that the race wasn't for me.
Well my God has said otherwise.

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Nothing can change God's love for me.

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of sonship and I cry Abba!! I am going on the race being convinced of HIS unconditional love.