I just spent a week in the desert, physically. I’ve had my mind wandering there, not physically, since December first, according to the note that lives in my Bible.
I think I thought this part would be easy. I think I thought the hard stuff would start when I left US soil, when I hit the ground in Serbia, when I faced people, places, and situations I’d never faced before.
I don’t know why I thought that. I’ve prepared for a lot of worthwhile things; rarely has preparation been easy. There has been the exam prep that made me want to cry, the exam prep that did make me cry; the preparation for every fitness test, the preparation so that the preparation for the fitness test didn’t make me want to barf so much; the preparation time in the weight room so that I was less likely to get knocked over. I’m currently preparing for a marathon; that’s fun/the worst. It’s hardly easy, but it certainly makes the real deal a whole lot better.
Why should this be any different?
I actually got frustrated with myself for a while – frustrated that this time wasn’t just the easiest, most enjoyable, joy-filled, most certain season in my faith. Despite returning over and over again to Matthew 4 (The Temptation of Jesus) where a bit of Jesus’ pre-ministry season is recounted, it has sometimes seemed wrong to be anything but 100% excited and full of faith in anticipation of what’s to come.
I’ve been commissioned. We’ve all been commissioned. Jesus commissioned us all, but before he did, he set an example by serving. Before he served, he was tested.
He went out in the desert, denied himself in order to grow closer to the Father, and he was tempted three times, to do three different things: Provide for himself, prove what He can do, and claim the reward without the work.
Essentially, he was tempted to relinquish his true identity as one intimately connected to the Father, created to do the Father’s will, created to do magnificent things, for the honor of his Father.
I’ve been commissioned. We’ve all been commissioned. Jesus commissioned us all, but before he did, he set an example by serving. Before he served, he was tested.
Before he was tested, he was affirmed.
Before he healed anybody, preached any sermons, fed the multitudes, turned ideas of power on their heads and changed history forever, he was affirmed as the Son of God. Before he did anything, God declared in front of everyone, “You are mine and you are enough.” Before he walked into what he knew would be challenging, painful, and beautiful ministry, he was told by the one who knows him best exactly who he was. And after he was tempted, the ones who knew the Father’s heart came and took care of him. Maybe they reminded him who he was, of his true identity, of all he was made for.
Last night, as I waited for my flight, I was overwhelmed by the unknown, attracted to the idea of comfort and security, more time with the people I love a lot, unsure of what I’m getting myself into. As I boarded my first flight and awaited take off, my heart grew sure of who I am – a child of God, beloved, made for serving others; one made to accept grace, be transformed by grace, and extend grace to others so that others may know who God is and how He loves them.
This morning, as I sit on the floor in the Atlanta airport getting acquainted with my squad mates face to face, awaiting the arrival of someone to take us to training camp, I am full of jitters, excitement, and nerves. I am full of gratitude for all that the past months of preparation have taught me, all of the people who have reminded me who I am and what I am made for when it was hard for me to remember myself. I am at peace with the fact that it’s been uncomfortable, and excited for what’s to come.
I am so thankful for the support that so many of you have shown me in such extravagant ways. I so appreciate your continued prayers for camp as my team forges relationships, as we walk into the unknown, for continued financial provision, and as our hearts grow increasingly ready for the months ahead.
So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us… For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Ephesians 2:7 & 10
