A little less than a week ago, I arrived in Zambia, where I will be for the next 3 months! We arrived at our ministry site, which is one of the locations of an organization called Kids Alive. I will be making an update post soon to inform you all of what exactly I’m doing now, but right now, I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about a dog named Sheldon.
When I first saw Sheldon, the first words that left my mouth were: “What is that?” When I got a closer look at him, my heart broke.
He is a small terrier-type dog with a cute little face, but is unfortunately in a terrible state. His hair is matted, he’s covered in fleas, and he has hundreds of ticks covering him (I wish I was exaggerating with that number). As an animal lover, it has been unbelievably hard for me to see that.
Despite his heartbreaking state, though, he is one of the sweetest and happiest dogs I have ever met. As I sit here writing this, I’m watching him happily trot behind one of the employees here as his tail fiercely wags. When I’m sitting on the floor and not giving him enough attention, he will sit up on his hind legs and bat at the air with his paws as though he is waving for my attention. All I have to do is yell his name and he will excitedly come running towards me. Even though his appearance is quite off-putting, he has taken the spot of my favourite dog that I’ve met on this trip.
Look at his sweet little face!
As you read this, you’re probably wondering why you are reading about a mangy yet adorable little Zambian dog. Well, a couple days ago, I realized that I, and many others in the world, are exactly like Sheldon in our walks with the Lord.
My teammate Abby and I, both being animal lovers, decided that we want to fix him up, and part of this process is cutting off the large mats in his fur that are pulling on his skin. So, I took a pair of scissors and began the process of slowly removing his mats. Even though the removal of his mats would bring him relief from his pain and allow him a much more comfortable life, when I would try to cut them off, he would nip at my hands.
As he did this, I wanted nothing more than for him to realize that I was simply trying to help and make his life better, and I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t let me do it. It was then that I realized I do the same exact thing to God.
As I have written in previous blogs, God has changed and grown me on this trip in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Although I am in a better place than I have ever been before because of it, that doesn’t mean that the growth was easy or fun. In fact, it was very difficult, and quite frankly, really painful.
Every time the Lord revealed something to me that He wanted to take away to make my life better, just like Sheldon did to me, I would nip at His hands. He would remind me that He was doing it because He loves and cares about me, but I would still resist. Even though I knew that I was better off without those things as a part of who I was, it was hard for me to trust that from the discomfort, God would provide relief, comfort, and a better life.
While I can sit here now as a new person from the one who started this trip, it is easy to say that when God wants to trim parts off me, I’m going to let Him. As I look back on the many times He wanted to throughout this trip, however, that obviously wasn’t quite the case.
When He wanted me to stop relying on guys for comfort and attention, it was scary for me to trust that He would provide a much deeper and more satisfying comfort and attention if I turned to Him. When He wanted me to forgive my dad for the things he had done to me, I didn’t want to lay down my pride and do it. When He wanted me to find my pride in who He created me to be rather than the wounds I carried, I feared that I wasn’t good enough for that. When He wanted me to fight to be the gentle, loving, and grace-filled woman He created me to be, I feared that those qualities weren’t a part of who I am.
After sorting through those things and allowing God to work in me, I have experienced and seen the wonderful place it has brought me to, but when I was right in the middle of it all, it was hard – and took a while – for me to trust God and let Him do what He needed to do. It was hard for me to let him cut all those mats off.
The beautiful part of this is that even when I was nipping at His hands and trying to run away, God’s love never faltered, and He never gave up on me. He didn’t care if I was covered in mats, ticks, and mud. He knew the beautiful creation that He created me to be, and He promised to wait patiently beside me until I let Him help me become it.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” ~ Romans 5:8
God doesn’t care how much we have sinned, how scared we are to step into who He created us to be, or how much we push back against Him when He is only trying to help us.
Before we were even created, God knew exactly how we would sin and was aware of every single moment that we would mess up or fail. Even knowing those things, though, He still created us because of how deeply He loves us and desires a relationship with us. He is an endlessly patient and loving God, and the moment He created us, He knew He would be sitting and waiting for a long, long time while we tried to figure ourselves out. And once we do figure ourselves out, He continues that patience and love as He cut off the mats and picks out every single tick one by one.
When I first saw Sheldon, I didn’t know that he would teach me such a big lesson, but it was just another example of how God uses the strangest things through which to speak to us.
Make sure to keep your mind open to the possible ways that He will speak to you, and always remember: even though growth and change is incredibly difficult, it’s always worth it in the end when you let God take over.
