All my life, I’ve thought I was a pro at trusting God with all my heart. Whenever I struggle with anxiety, I trust that the Lord is there and will comfort me. When I think about my future, I trust wholeheartedly that God has an amazing plan and will guide me to glorious things. As I walk through life, I trust that the Lord will protect me and keep me from harm.
Recently, however, my confidence that I was fully putting my trust in the Lord was shaken.
While in Ecuador, I met someone with whom I had a pretty immediate connection. As I got to know her more, our closeness deepened and I realized how much I enjoyed spending time with her. In addition to learning that I loved spending time with her, though, I learned a few disheartening things. She was in the early stages of overcoming a drug addiction, and was unsure if she could continue to keep up sobriety. Additionally, she had a very skewed view of Christianity and who God is, causing her to push away from God and have her heart hardened towards Him.
As I continued to build a relationship with her, I could feel God putting on my heart that she would open herself up to Him and devote her life to following Christ. Because I had grown to care about my new friend, I wanted so deeply for those things to come true.
Time passed, though, and being that I never stay in one place for too long on this trip, I sadly had to leave. This was very hard for me because I could see that she yearned for something more than the life she was living, and I could tell that something inside her was drawing her towards Christ. Because of those things, I also knew that Satan would be waiting to pounce.
Sure enough, just days after I had left, I received a message from my friend detailing the struggles she was experiencing. She had injured herself and was prescribed medicine, something that was a concern considering she was attempting to recover from a drug addiction. She was feeling quite hopeless and downtrodden, and I wanted nothing more than to rush to her aid and explain to her that no matter what, she could always find hope in Christ. Despite this desire, though, I knew that there was nothing I could do.
This left me feeling an unpleasant mixture of sadness for my friend, anger that Satan was attacking her, and helplessness in my inability to be there for her. I had such a strong desire for my friend to have the beautiful love of Christ in her life, but Satan was clearly doing all that he could to stop it.
I sat there in my team’s apartment, feeling lost in thought and at a loss for what I should do. It was then that one of my teammates sat next to me, and upon hearing what was on my mind, offered me some much needed words of wisdom:
I had to admit to myself that, no matter what, there truly was nothing that I could do. I needed to hand it all over to the Lord and trust fully in Him.
When she first said that to me, I quite honestly felt a bit defensive. Of course I trust the Lord! I thought to myself. She just doesn’t fully understand the situation.
As we spoke more and I really began to think about and meditate on her words, though, I realized that she was completely right. Because I was in a situation where I had zero control, I was forced to see if I truly trusted in God to take care of what troubled me. The bitter truth, I concluded, was that I didn’t.
The reality was that even if I could be with my friend for every second of the day, it wouldn’t change a thing. While I could be there to encourage her and be an example of Christ’s love in her life, God is the only one who can work in her heart and truly bring change in her life. I can simply be a tool in His plan, if He decides that is best.
Although it was difficult to relinquish my desire for control over to the Lord, the relief that I felt once I did was immeasurably worth it. Because of that surrender, I am now able to feel joy and excitement in knowing that God is using His unfathomable love and power to work in my friend’s life rather than fear that she might stray down the wrong path. Because I trust in the power of prayer, I am able to wholeheartedly pray for prosperity in my friend’s life and for her heart to be given to the Lord with full faith that it will happen.
“…The Spirit helps us in our weakness… And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him…” ~ Romans 8:26, 28
It can at times be terrifying to let go of the control that we think we have over what is happening in our lives, but I have come to learn that lack of control is, paradoxically, more comforting. We can either fool ourselves into thinking we are in control, or we can give everything over to the One who truly does.
I personally think that the latter is a much better choice.
