This is going to be, in a way, a continuation of my previous blog post, “A Father to the Fatherless.” While at training camp, God helped me to see some things that I had been pressing down and allowed me to reach a new level of emotional awareness within myself, which is something that I needed but to some extent did not want. I guess the dangerous thing about asking God to help you grow in whatever way you need is that – sometimes to our surprise – He actually does it.
While at training camp, God revealed some things to me about myself; things that, at the time, I honestly did not want to know. He left me standing in the middle of my squad as they worshipped and prayed one night; but while they were full of joy, I was breaking down. The night before, the worship team played the song “Good, Good Father” and I started to cry. I had no idea why, but my own father flashed through my head as that song began to play, and a lot of pain and confusion began to surface. In typical Maya style, I simply pushed those feelings down and moved on with my night. The next night, however, God had a different plan for me. As I stood there in the middle of worship, 3 years of suppressed pain surfaced all at once, and I realized something that was quite unsettling to me: not only did I still have sadness about my father leaving 3 years ago that I had not yet dealt with, I had also been subconsciously projecting what my earthly father did to me onto my Heavenly Father. I became aware of the fact that every time I did something wrong, I would panic, thinking that God would abandon me because of it. Luckily, now that I am aware of these things, I have been able to begin the journey of working through all of these emotions, and I have already felt a new level of freedom.
As I began writing this blog post, I could hear God telling me that He had something to say. I put my pen to paper (well, more like I put my fingers to my keyboard), and began writing. I wasn’t thinking about what I was writing, and simply allowed God to take over. When I finished, I read what I had just typed out, and to my surprise, I had in front of me what honestly seems like a love letter from God. It brought me joy to read it, so I would like to share it with all of you – perhaps there is someone out there who, in this moment, needs to hear exactly this! I decided to look up scriptures that confirm each statement in the “letter,” so I will include those as well! So without further ado, here is my love letter from God:
My child, do you not see that you are mine? I have chosen you! (Isaiah 43:1, John 15:16) I chose you the moment I knitted you together in your mother’s womb. (Psalm 139:13) You were beautiful to me in that moment, and you have continued to grow more and more beautiful every day since. (Ecclesiastes 3:11) I have taken great delight in watching you grow and become the woman that I destined you to be. (Psalm 147:11) You have made me so proud in so many different ways. I know that you have made mistakes – I knew from the moment I created you that you would make mistakes. (James 3:2) Yes, that may be true, but guess what? Your mistakes have never once lessened my love for you. (Jeremiah 31:3) Each time you have strayed away, I have remained waiting, arms outstretched, yearning for your return. Don’t you know that each time you return to me, I cry out with joy, and the angels sing songs of praise that my sweet child has returned home once again. (Luke 15:20-24) I will always be here for you, no matter what you do. (Joshua 1:9) You are my beautiful child whom I never want to lose. I joyfully await the moments when you spend time with only me each day – do you know how precious my time with you is? My child, you are so beautiful and so worthy of love. Know that I am always with you, arms wrapped around you, upholding and protecting you. (Isaiah 41:10) I will always be here. (Isaiah 40:8) I will always bless you in your relationships with others, but know that you will never need anyone but me. All may forsake you, but I will remain for eternity. I will always provide for you, even when circumstances seem bleak. (Matthew 6:32-33, Philippians 4:19) I am your weapon; I am your shield. I will fight for you when the enemy attacks. (Exodus 14:14, Psalm 18:47) I will rejoice when you are full of joy, and will weep with you when you are downtrodden. (Zephaniah 3:17) I will be with you for all of time. I am your father, and you are my daughter. You will always be my daughter. (Galatians 3:26)
After reading this, I was reminded that no matter what I do, where I am, or what I am going through, God will always be there to love and protect me. Although having an earthly father in one’s life is an awesome bonus, the only father I need is the one up in Heaven.
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