March 26th, 2014 I found myself traveling to a house show in southwestern Oklahoma. I pulled up noticing every crack in the pavement and the rundown look of the building. The smell of rain in the distance filled my lungs as I opened the door. I met up with my girlfriend at the time as excitement filled our hearts to see this band we had seen before at another show but only briefly. The performance was very intimate, standing within reaching distance of the band members. No barricade to keep us away or bouncers to take us to the back of the crowd. Garrett, the frontman for the band, standing shoeless with a testimony of how God healed him of a life in a wheelchair to being where he is now. Glory given to God and a testimony of redemption in his life.
Garrett spoke with me that night and left me with a thought that I often ponder on still. He asked my name at their merch table and asked if he could pray for me. I thought this was an awesome gesture and a personal way of connecting with someone, especially since that someone was me. I had very long hair at the time and he wanted to tell me something about his hair, which was very similar to mine. “My hair is such a mess, you can see how it tangles and naturally dreads itself. I don’t know why but does that mean anything to you? I felt the need to tell you.”
I have thought of that night and Garrett’s words more times than I can count. I’ve always wondered why he told me that about his hair of all things.
Ok, fast forward to last week, Thursday April 28th, 2016. I was sitting in the sun during my lunch break, staring up at the sky feeling the wind pass by my face. A familiar voice filled my head phones as I began to sit up.
I awoke in the summer the sun struck the earth to furnish us with fire ¹. But jealous hands fashioned their cross to a sword ², brandished their gift as a torch to burn the light. “To the dead we owe only the truth ³ -Garrett of Silent Planet
I reached for my hair as the wind was whipping it back and forth. I felt every tangle and every rough wad of hair that was on my head. I began to fight the tangles and only in my struggle give up on it and tie it back. I felt Him move in my heart and speak to me. “Your hair is running thin just like your faith. Why are you fighting Me like you fight with your hair. My grace like your tangles is what holds you together.”
“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”
Colossians 1:15-17
Perhaps that meeting with Garrett was meant for the moment I heard God asking me for a reason as to why I was not walking with Him in His grace. The past few months I have been struggling with believing this World Race is actually going to happen. In my heart deep down I am running thin and grasping at hope as to if I will launch in August. I know that God has commanded all of those whom He calls his to “go” and preach to all nations the gospel, which is the good news. He has lead me to this organization and I don’t believe He would lead me somewhere and not give me the means to accomplish what He has laid before me. I’m looking at a shrinking window, knowing that I only have a few weeks to be at my first deadline of $5000. I fight every day and ask to walk in His undeserving grace, and that I would listen and wait on him. Even in my disobedience here He is calling to me to let Him in.
This is my struggle, believing something will happen.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
By no way have I endured what Paul did thus far in my life but I have faced opposition in following what He has commanded me to do. I need help, I need your help. I set out believing I could do this all on my own. A combination of debt, car problems, and losing significant work to a very unstable oil industry I am left realizing I can’t do anything on my own. Can I let go of this pride and ask for help? With things running thin as well as time disappearing I have to ask for your help. I can’t do this alone and I can’t hold on to thinning hair. Grace has carried me this far and I relinquish my pride and ask for your help.
Thank you for reading,
Matti
P.S.
May 22nd I will be preaching at Hobart Assembly of God in the A.M. service.
If you have any ways for me to give my time, work, preach, or invest myself to you by any means email [email protected]
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