In March of 2015 I came to spiritual low that I had never experienced before in my life. I spent the next few months in seclusion seeking God on my knees to change my situation. Prior to March I had no idea how far from God I had actually been. Thoughts like “How can I even begin to fix this mess that is my life” or “how could I let myself become this way” resonated deep in my head. I remember clear as day the first time I heard his voice in my prayer time during the months that followed my breaking point. He was changing my heart and little did I have any idea of what he was actually preparing me for. His words cut through me like the sun shining for the first time after a storm.
Looking back in life I can see how everything, person, or dream I chased after was my own. I grew up with a loving family and the world was mine to chase after. I was taught as we all were to get an education and get a good paying job. This would only make a temporary impression on me.
Here I am, 22 years old (nearly 23) I am a high school drop out. I am a college drop out. I work in the oilfield in a struggling industry that could potentially lay me off any day. I have loved and gave my heart away in ways I never should have given. I have hurt people and taken what would never be mine. I’ve ran and hid myself from facing my fears or what I don’t understand. I have taken so many wrong steps and stumbled in ever growing darkness. This is just a small glimpse of my past but all of it is what made me who I am today.
Despite all of that I am trying to become less like my old self and more like Christ. It’s never easy and I won’t pretend like I don’t have my bad days but one thing that I can be sure of is the unfailing love that God extends to all that truly seek him with their heart.
If you take a moment to think about what life is you will see it all comes down to one simple thing: relationships. Just as a plant grows towards the light I am growing towards a greater relationship with God. I pray in this I am allowing my heart to become more like his. What cut through me that night was his love for creation, his heart for the lost. I can’t actually say I know what that looks like but what I can say is he lead me here. This race is where he’s calling me. Send me to the world, to let them know, that He is God.
