“I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself to me.� Galatians 2:20
Can you guess what type of tree this is?… it’s a rubber tree!! And
let me guess, If you got it right, it was probably not because of the
bark nor any other external feature. It is because of what you see
flowing “out� of the tree. The tree… is bleeding…. And it is it’s
“blood� that gives away it’s identity.
Here in southern India, I’m surrounded by these trees… there are several
farms in and around the village where we are ministering. During a
morning church service a couple days ago I had gone out to “get a
breather�… things were loud inside the small, one room church. Besides,
I just needed a moment alone with Jesus. I casually strolled down the
path away from the church (I couldn’t go too far, I’d be preaching in
just a few minutes)… in my heart and mouth were the words to a famous
hymn… “It was for me in the garden He prayed, “Not my will but Thine�…
He shed no tears for His own griefs but sweat drops of blood for mine….
How marvelous, How wonderful, is my Savior’s love for me…�
As I was singing, my gaze was fixed, looking through the forest of
rubber trees… Then I began taking a deeper look, more with my heart…
there was something “special� about them that I couldn’t quite put my
finger on… their roots were firmly planted in the soil… their branches
stretched ever upward towards the sun… but what set these apart?
Looking toward the bottom of their trunks, I saw it. Each one was cut…
each had been lacerated…. Each was bleeding. I had never seen a sight
like it. The cut was made with a specific angle to funnel their “blood�
into a bowl. And their blood? … A rich, white, pure substance.
My gaze continued, and then I most distinctly heard that quiet, still,
small voice. It was less like a voice though… more like a cry. I
listened in and it was if I heard the whole forest crying… The sound
startled me a bit and brought tears to my eyes. I was halfway afraid I
was back in my drug days… but I knew this was real.
It wasn’t just the fact that these trees were weeping that touched me…
It was those little bowls attached to their sides. It was their
“offering.� They had nothing else to give otherwise… perhaps some shade
or some firewood… but that was neither of much value nor unique to
their essence. What they did have to offer… which was of value, and
which was of their essence… was
inside them! And the only way to the let the goodness out was to be
cut. And after cut… cut again… and again… and again.
At the beginning of this month I found myself, seemingly supernaturally, flipping open to these words by Tozer, “The
Lord cannot fully bless a man until He has first conquered him. The
degree of blessing enjoyed by any man will correspond exactly with the
completeness of God’s victory over him.�
As the truth drove into my heart I began welling up with emotion… conviction, repentance, hope, and joy.
As he goes on to say, “The cross that
saves them also slays them, and anything short of this is a pseudo-faith
and not true faith at all… God rescues us by breaking us.�
I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me… deeply…
Over the last few days, and even months, it has been like heavy heart
surgery for me. Like going into the doctor for a casual checkup
expecting nothing is wrong, and him ripping open your chest, showing you
a massive, deadly cancer on the inside. The self-awareness has been
painful… it still hurts… but He is teaching me not to freak out at the
inward horror, but rather in peace… let the Great Physician do what He
does best.
The cross…? It slays us with its love. “And God demonstrates His love for us in this, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.�
It is a love and grace that ha been overcoming my resistance and
opposition to it… and a love far more dedicated to my redemption than I
ever could be! It’s a divine mercy with a murderous streak, killing my
self-worship and self-dependence and indeed, crucifying my “old� self.
Oh it hurts? But how good it is? For through death is the promise of
new life.
I have found myself squirming, screaming, and kicking with all my
fleshly strength, but it is no match for His Sovereign Grace… and along
the way, as best I can, I give thanks for every gracious blow… for He is
saving my soul!
Here we are in month nine of our eleventh month journey… and I find
myself, honestly, in some ways worse of a Christian than when I began… I
think the truth is… this “stuff� has always been there… it has just
taken removing all my creature comforts and pushing ALL my buttons to
reveal them. Anger, hate, jealousy, resentment, self-righteousness… all
of them displaying their ugliness! And through me!!
So what do I do when I am faced with the prostitute and feel no
compassion… or the teammate, friend, or loved one who hurts me and I
find no ability to forgive… or the orphan that desperately needs to just
receive a smile and I’d rather turn away… or the ministry that goes
against everything I have been taught and I find no grace with them? I
can surely say what not to do… I can’t love them out of my own
strength… that has been me, the last days, months, who knows… even
years!!
God is breaking me of trying to “do� all these things in my own
strength. I say, “But how God, if it’s Your love, how does that work… I
must still love them?�
His reply, “Let me love you.�
“What?�
“Receive my love.�
“God, I am far to good of a Christian to be revisiting such elemental truth!”… oh the revealing of the problem even in my reply…
“I love you.”
A little frustrated, “I know… i learned that a long time ago… and i have been preaching it every day…”
“Matthew… I love you….. I love you…. I love you.”
My resistance crumbling, “ahhhh… that feels good God… thanks. Sorry i left my first love..”
“I love you.”
The cross, once again, slaying me, helping me see I have nothing to give apart from Christ. My greatest priority becoming not pouring myself out for Christ (a sneaky way to exalt my good behavior), but to be filled by Christ (what only He
can do). Enough of the self-hatred and self-condemnation… that
attitude gets nowhere… and only makes me love less (what I’ve been doing
the last couple months)… but its time to let the love of Christ, in all
its fullness… in the perfect, unconditional love that it is… find its
way into the darkness of my soul… and then, oh how I will shine without
even trying!!
“Far be it from me to boast of anything but the cross… by which I have been crucified to the world and the world to me.�
And so it is in our weakness that Christ’s love is made perfect… when
we are broken of self we release His marvelous fragrance and power…
So as I stood there amidst the trees, it wasn’t their cry that I was
hearing… It was the fellowship of believers that I was hearing. It was
the cry of those who have been marked with the cross… those who have had
the self lacerated with the love of Christ… who have said goodbye to
this world and its passing pleasures… who will, indeed, bleed alive
until the day they meet the One who bled for them.
The bleeding ones… “afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed,
but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not forsaken, struck down,
but not destroyed, always carrying in the body the death of Jesus.�
These blessed ones, chosen ones… giving when it’s not comfortable…
loving when it’s not convenient… praying when their knees have had
enough.
It is their blood offered up that gives their identity away… the blood and tears draining into the offering dish…
It was the deep cry of every believer I was hearing…
It was my own cry…
