I only saw him once. And briefly. His name I do not know, and in all likelihood I will never see the boy again. I had stepped out of the church building to get some fresh air, and walked over to the school yard. It would seem as though God had a different reason for bringing me out… or maybe a different sort of fresh air that He intended to give me… or maybe, just maybe… it was somebody else that needed a little fresh air.
Before I had much time to think, there stood before me, an eager, bright eyed, joy-filled boy. I don’t know where he came from, I didn’t even see him come, he just appeared. All the school children had gone home. They all wear purple uniforms. This one… he was dressed in other clothes, probably some of the only clothes he owns, and his feet… who knows when’s the last time they felt shoes.
I could tell he’s probably from the neighborhood. We often would catch nearby kids staring at us, looking on from behind barbed wire fence, looking on with a longing, a hope, a wonder of what it would be like to be at school, to be with the white people, wishing they were jumping rope and rolling tires with the rest of the kids.
Most children in Africa either love you or are deathly afraid of you. But for the ones who do love you, there still is a baseline of affection that they show… and every once in a while you get that one kid who just loves more than the rest.
From the moment this boy met me, I’m not sure physical touch was ever disengaged. Tired and hot, I sat down on the pavement in front of the school building, enjoying its shade. I first thought he would just get up and run off to play… what young boy wants to lie down and rest like us old people? But in my lap he crawls. And honestly, he’s way too big for what he’s trying to do. He spends some time trying to balance his body on mine, his legs parallel to mine, so that none of him would touch the ground. All the while his hands gripping me tightly, and his face glowing with joy, with the glad satisfaction of something that remained beyond my ability to fully understand.
I couldn’t help but see that somewhere deep beneath this joy that flowed out of him was something painful. It was something in the way he longed for me. Almost as if I was a type of savior to him. The way that he yearned to be held and to be loved. I couldn’t help feel compassion for the child. Where was he from? What was his past like? What was his home like… is it peaceful, is it full of fear? Does he have parents?
It wasn’t long before that great smile on his face fell neutral. His body eased up. A sense of peace and relaxation began to permeate him. Like an unexpected breeze that breaks down defenses and causes you to pause… to take that deep breath that you were so unaware you needed. He seemed to have stumbled upon still waters, and they were too much for his youthful energy. In a matter of seconds his eyes were closed, the full weight of his body, and spirit, resting on mine.
I sat there holding the kid in my arms. The weight of what was happening there in that moment is something I’ll never know. How was God ministering to this child? How was God ministering to me? I do know Christ was there… and where Jesus is, no moment is too small or too short to be of eternal significance.
With my arms wrapped around the child, something else seemed to wrap itself around me, something like peace. The peace of knowing that love is leaving you and finding itself in something outside yourself. I felt at home holding him. I felt at home forgetting about myself for a second and being in tune with him. The ordinary turned sacred as God’s transcendent love settled upon us.
So I ask are we not created to love? Is our purpose not to love God and love others? And it seems we will try to do, and have done, everything under the sun, but love, to fill ourselves and find ourselves. Oh that we would truly believe that the filling of ourselves is only in the emptying of ourselves…. And we will only truly find ourselves as we die to ourselves, living for the sake and benefit of others. May it be so… in Jesus name for His glory!
