Probably one of the most important things I learned about myself
while in Israel last month is that I have been feeding my “superwhatever” my
whole entire life. Then I realized it was time to get rid of it. A
superwhatever is a false identity that you may have mistaken for your real
identity, but in reality it is something that you have created in your mind and
it hinders you from growing spiritually.
Some of us have created this “ideal” person in our minds who we
think and expect ourselves to become. This ideal person can often be somewhat
god-like, and impossible to become. It can be created from expectations that
others- especially, respected individuals, parents, teachers, etc.- have placed
on us or that we have developed at some point during our lifetime, or
personalities that we have admired and wished we had. The result is often an
individual who is often hard on themselves because they are constantly letting
themselves down due to the fact that they cannot force themselves to become
this super-person. They feel as if they are always failing, and often feel
guilty for letting everyone around them down- as if everyone else was holding
them to that same standard. Frustration can and will come rather frequently the
more they are around peers who are successfully achieving goals which they may
have set for themselves. Those individuals are easily zapped of their joy, and left feeling upset and sometimes
depressed. The question “What is wrong with me?” may be a thought that crosses
their mind from time to time.
The answer is really nothing. They are fine just the way they
are, the way God created them. But they rarely are able to see this fact as
truth. The expectations they have set for themselves are so blinding and
binding that they are never able to see themselves as the beautiful individuals
that they are. They are never able to move past a certain point in their life.
They will face the same battles over and over, because they will keep running
into the same walls of frustration and failure. Actually, isn’t that similar to
the definition of insanity?!
We have read in the scriptures that it is for Freedom that
Christ has set us free. However, those who are seeking their ‘superwhatever’
identity don’t receive the fullness of freedom that Christ gives. Living life
to its fullest, and living in the fullness of joy promised to us by Christ is
not fully accepted or realized.
This is something that I came to realize as I read Rob Bell’s description
of his people-pleasing super-pastor identity, in Velvet Elvis, that he had to
put to death in his own life. I found myself saying to myself, “hmmm. That
sounds really familiar.”
I don’t consider myself a melancholy individual, but I did find
myself getting frustrated with myself because, internally, I was getting upset
at my teammates about the smallest of things. I even found myself getting upset
when God would give them a vision that I didn’t experience myself. This is
called the spirit of comparison, which is not from God and must be bound and
surrendered to God so that he can give us the freedom to live to the fullest
and enjoy all the wonder and excitement that comes with living in God’s eternal
and omniscient presence.
Here is an example:
When we were placed on our new teams back in November, God
blessed my life with David Hepting, an incredible man of God. He is a truly
amazing individual who has been blessed with incredible knowledge of the bible,
and is an inexhaustible resource of stories and jokes. And let me not forget to
mention that he is very much in love and in touch with God, and receives
visions and dreams from God on the regular. I told him early last month, while
studying the torah in Israel, that he reminded me of Joseph, Jacob’s youngest
and favorite son. God’s favor was with him in whatever he did. It was last
month, when I found myself getting frustrated with his abilities and knowledge
and annoyed with his consistent joyous personality, that I realized that I was
dealing with a beast within myself that I had to conquer. This I came to discover WAS my superwhatever.
Notice that I emphasized that it was my superwhatever, past tense.
My challenge is to draw so close to God so that he can redeem my
heart, my mind, and all of the junk that has caked up on my soul because I have
been unconsciously trying to fulfill myself. After so many years of trying to
live in a lie, there is a lot of things that will find its way back to the
surface, and I have to be intentional to daily rest and trust in God alone. God
is enough. He is and should be our everything, and I desire to be completely
satisfied in him. I was made in his image; perfectly and wonderfully made in
his image. And so were you.
This makes me thankful for community, because I am not alone in
this battle. Daily, I have at least 5 bros and sistas who want to hear my heart
and reaffirm who I am in Christ. There are a lot of hidden things that come out
when living in community, but thank God that he has made us all to be united
together as one, in the body of Christ. We are given freedom from these evils
that were never intended to be ours in the first place. God knows what he is doing, and I am thankful
for that everyday.
No, in all
these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am sure
that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor
things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all
creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our
Lord. Romans 8:37-39
He is not finished with me yet. There is still work to be done
in me, yet God has promised that whatever good work that he has begun in us, he
will continue to carry it out until it is completed. Hallelujah!
