heart wrenching experience. We have a
lot of different ministry opportunities…we help out and teach a VBS class at
multiple “care points” around the area, we do home visits for people in the
community that need help or just someone to love on them for an afternoon, we
have nights where women and younger girls can come and be encouraged and loved
through a time of sharing and getting into Scripture, and we practice with the
men’s soccer team and are able to share our testimonies with them after we
play. It has been awesome to have all
these avenues to be the hands and feet of God, but it has also raised a lot of
questions in my mind.
When we go to the care points and we play games, sing songs,
teach a bible story, and then eat with kids who get one meal a day if they are
lucky, it starts to make me think. I can
show up for a month in eleven countries and do good deeds, feel like I’ve
served someone and shown them God’s love, and then go back home where things
aren’t as messy. But as I go through
these steps I’m realizing I’m not truly trusting in God. I’m realizing I’ve been skipping over the
question, “Is God enough for them….for me?” I want to answer this question without hesitation. I want to give a resounding, “Yes! He is
enough.” But it’s harder to give this answer when you’re staring into the eyes
of a child whose parents have died, his sister has become a prostitute, and he
sleeps outside in a tent because the one room home he lives in has a different
customer in it every night.
You’d think this would have been a question I’d answered
before now. But the reality of it is, I
don’t know if I honestly have. In the
past I probably wouldn’t have even thought about the question before giving an
answer because even if He wasn’t enough, I still had other things in place to
fall back on. Because of the family,
culture, system I was born into, I’ve set up a life where I really don’t have
to trust in God. But when I get to a
place and meet people that don’t have the same luxuries I’ve had, where their
basic necessities aren’t met, where they’re living in situations that God’s
creation shouldn’t endure, I start asking if God is enough for them. If I can’t say yes, then why is He enough for
me? I don’t want to serve a God that is
only enough for the privileged or the wealthy.
When I look at the life of Jesus I see him standing up not
for the privileged or the wealthy, but the sick, the dying, and the
destitute. Jesus didn’t die for the
righteous, but for those who needed to be redeemed…and we all fall into that
category. What other hope is there? Everything points to the fact that He has to
be enough for us. If He isn’t enough,
then what am I doing? Why am I
here? Why am I wasting my life trying to
share something I don’t believe in? And
if He is enough, what am I doing? Why
aren’t I acting like it? Why aren’t I
living a life that proclaims Him in every way?
I guess my question isn’t in the power of the cross or what
it saved us from. My question is more
along the lines of heaven coming to earth. There are so many things that have gone wrong on this planet and while
we, as the body of Christ should be fighting for justice, it looks like an
overwhelming situation. I know that God
has redeemed us through His blood and that we’ll spend eternity with Him, but
what about here and now. What about the
people that are struggling so much in this life. Is their only hope in something after this
life? Being an infinite being makes me
have a very narrow view, but I still have to ask God why this world is so
filled destruction, pain, and suffering. Why do I see situations that look like the only hope people will see is
going to come after this life ends? I
guess when I look at my situation or the orphans; we should both be seeing our
only hope as a life in Christ…one that is fulfilled after this life passes
away. But the hardest part is to not
fully understand why I have been given this lot. Why is my situation in this life so much more
bearable than the orphan or the sex slave? God I don’t understand how you’ve orchestrated everything to work. I don’t understand how these dire situations
give you glory and praise your name. But
amidst all these questions there is still a hope I find only in you…a hope that
you are in control…that it’s good to wrestle with these questions, but that
you’re the one who knows the answers…you’re the one who has the keys to life.
