What Needs to be Said!!

This blog has had it’s time coming…I didn’t ever envision it being quite like this or having to come to this point! But here it is, TRUTH!

All you WOMEN OF GOD out there, I am sorry that I have failed you! Especially my beautiful sister Melissa, I am sorry that I have not been the brother that I am supposed to be. Mom, you know I love you and I am sorry that I have not been the son or servant that I am called to be.

This year I have learned what it means to be a MAN OF GOD. To truly understand who I am in the Kingdom and not what the world says I am. I have felt good before this year. I was confident. I was comfortable in my skin. I had things figured out for my life. I had my gifts also organized to what I was taught and encouraged in. Well, you can see that this year has pretty much wrecked all of that thinking that I had pre-Race. As a man chasing after God’s own heart it has been freeing to KNOW who I am and not questioning who I am in others views or opinions of me. What a lie I was living!

And so back to the point, I feel that I have utterly failed every woman on my squad this month. It goes back further than that. I feel that I have failed all the women in my life up until this point. I’m saddened and also hurt knowing that I have not been that man that I should be.

India has been by far the hardest month for most of us here on the January 2008 Squad. After 8 months traveling with one another, we have met our challenge in which I believe the previous 7 were preparing us for!

Everyday we walk out our door into the slum community that we live in. We are instructed to walk in at least pairs for guys or at least 3’s with one guy present for the girls. Now this isn’t law, or rules, but strong guidelines. In our 4 weeks here we have made it mandatory to follow these. And this is why;

The moment our women step outside of our house they are stared at. They whistled at. And they are followed. Men in this culture are for some reason very conservative but yet are very aggressive towards foreigners. This is opposite of our trip experience so far where we are respected and served. And so when we ride in rickshaws or walk places, or ride the Metro, the girls are constantly stared at. They are in a place where no matter where they look they can make eye contact with someone. I have been told from some of them that the can only look down when outside the house. There have been cases of girls being touched inappropriately because no guys where there to do anything about it! And men on motos, cars and motorcycles will slow down and talk to the girls making obsene gestures and saying descriptively what they would like to do to the women. It’s disgusting! The women walk around and do their business in fear. In fear of being touched, or worse. They are in fear because they don’t all trust the men that are around them that are there to watch over them! I am one of those men!

Men of America!! I have heard it many times this year that our women don’t know the difference between us and them! There is no difference between the men in the church or on the outside! What are we doing? I see it now! I have been as scumbag. I haven’t been any different than these men living in the shantys next to us here in India. I may have never been verbal or physical in that way, but I have had thoughts of women in ways I shouldn’t. I haven’t reacted in ways that I should have. In short, I have not acted like the man I KNOW we are called to be. We make up excuses; We are tired. We are “having a bad day”. There is no excuse for abandonment! There is no excuse for laziness!

RISE UP MEN OF GOD!!

I’m begging you. If you see just a glimpse in your own life of what I have seen in mine, you will be disgusted with yourself! We have no idea how they feel. How they feel when they get looks, when they are talked about. We should be protecting them, comforting them, and being with them. Encouraging them! Yes I know women are frustrating things to figure out, I’m only 24 and I know that, but it’s no excuse…..Have you ever asked a woman if she feels unsafe?? I took the risk and did that recently, it has changed mny whole perspective on everything. It has changed my perspective on WHO I AM. And that is because I have see WHO I HAVE NOT BEEN!!