I want to start off by apologizing to those who have been following my
journey this year. I want to apologize for my lack of communication to you in
the last month of so. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel that I’ve slipped in my
responsibility to keep you updated, show you where your investment into me has
gone, and for me to share my heart’s journey as I said I would. Please know
that I have not forgotten about you and love you dearly.
I have posted links to videos, other racers’ blogs, and
occasionally written a small one myself. Truth be told, that’s all I had to
post for the past while. Normally I would write about my “ministry”
experiences, but there has only been a few. I could have written about my
adventures, but then again there’s only been very few. Right now, the question
you may be asking is, “What then have you
been actually doing, Matt?”
And my answer to you is “nothing!”.I have honestly
been doing nothing!
Since we were in Cochabamba,
Bolivia in mid April,
I’ve not been really doing much of anything. Sure I’ve gone to church, traveled
to a new continent, and met some new people. My past month of World Race days
have been full of merely existing. And frankly, I have hated it. It’s been the
most frustrating month of my life.
Paul says he worker is worth his wages (1 Timothy 5:18) and Jesus himself said those things in
Luke 10. I should be working! I should be doing something for the kingdom. I’ve
felt the guilt for “existing” day to day. I feel that I have wasted my time now
that I’m finally hre in the nations. If I wanted to sit around, I might as well
have stayed home. But it’s not the case.
I’m at the complete mercy of
my teammates. I’m bound by the system of “program”.This isn’t how God wired me!
Or is it? I can’t just get up and leave, and I can’t ignore what the Lord is
speaking to me. My flesh is crying out. My core being is holding on to
something. It wants to get out and do things it’s supposed to do. Let’s get out
there and share the gospel, let’s go and feed the hungry, let’s get out there
and pray for the sick. I want to reach out to the nations like I came here to
do. So why can’t I?
My longing for this journey of the World Race wasn’t just
the adventure of moving geographically. I wanted an adventure with God. My God!
I wanted to meet the Lord like I have never met with him before. Intimately. As
I’ve asked the Lord to meet with me, Jesus said, “come, follow me” (Mark 1:17). And in order to follow him I must deny
myself and take up my cross daily (Luke 9:23-25).
You can say that I’ve had a reality check of sorts. I must
first deny myself and take up my cross. And second of all I must go to him in
order to follow him. I gave to make the effort to go. How can I come and follow
if I don’t get up and move towards him?
So why am I at a place where I’m stuck? Why am I at a
place where I have no outlet?
Then, the other day the Lord spoke very clearly to me. He
said, “Be still!” (Zec. 2:13, Psalm 37:7, Psalm 46:10). When he spoke this to
me we were at a conference of church leadership here in Gaberone,
Botswana. The speaker was
talking about equipping young leaders for ministry here in Africa.
Now this was no accident, chance, or mistake. This month is one of divine
appointment for me here. I know it. When I found out my team was coming here to
Botswana I was
enjoying a “day off” and was told to pack up my tent and gear for we were
leaving in 3 hours time.
This is a time of equipping and training. A time of sitting,
listening. One of our contacts here is passionate for raising up a generation
of leaders. That’s how he pastors his church. And it’s no coincidence that
we’re billeted out to stay with a young woman who is passionate about prayer
and serving God. It’s no coincidence that I’m placed in a very uncomfortable environment
where I have to make a choice: shrink back and complain, or rise up to study
the Word, pray, and engage in the opportunity for Godly conversations.
I will admit it won’t
be easy, but it’s part of my training. I’m still trying to hide behind my
insecurity of lack of knowledge, wisdom, and faith. Having so much zeal alone
doesn’t bring fruit. I need understanding. I’m learning that it’s not about doing,
but rather being!!
