I lie slouching on my mother's couch watching the fourth wedding show in a row on TLC. My arm is almost automatically reaching for the cheese danish on my lap and pulling bits off, and putting them in my mouth. I'm not even hungry. I have already had nachos, chocolate chip cookies, and orange soda… that morning alone. I come to consciousness for a moment and think about someone coming into the living room, looking at me, and thinking, "So, this is what happens when you come home from the World Race?"
I roll my eyes and in a exhausted sigh, I exhale, "This can't be my life."
The life of meaning, adventure, and community I was living seemed so far away, but it was only last week.
I had no plans for the day. I had no money to do anything. It seemed like sitting in front of the TV, numbing my mind, and unconsciously stuffing my face was the best option.
I had a friend text me and ask me what I was doing.
Embarrassed to say what I was actually doing, I said, "Get it together Middleton," and went for a run.
I felt a little bit better. If I didn't go anywhere today, at least I worked out…
But then half a mile in, the cheese danish, nachos, chocolate chip cookies, and orange soda decided running wasn't such a good idea and wanted to escape my stomach and fast.
So I threw up. I threw up all over that road.
I stand up from cleaning out my insides through my mouth, put my hands on my hips, and hang my head in defeat.
Even on the Race, when we didn't do anything on off days, there were still people around. You had to go somewhere for food. You probably had to go outside to go to the restroom. You had to do something. At home, everything I need is a room away. There's no need to do anything.
That was the first day where I felt like I did absolutely nothing. First day doing absolutely nothing for a year.
And it was hella weird.
I like to think of myself as a grab the bull by it's horns, suck the marrow out of the bone, soak in the moment type of gal.
But, how do you carpe diem when the day doesn't look like more than junk food and mind numbing television?
In a way, I signed up for the World Race to do the carpe diem for me. I raised the money, and just went and did what *they* said to do.
But now it's all on me. I make the decisions.
I guess I'm starting to figure out what it's like to live a life of meaning, adventure, and community when I'm the one calling the shots.
What do you do to squeeze all the juice out of the orange?
What do you do when it seems your day is destined to be ordinary?
Are ordinary days okay?
Books to read?
Well, here goes the rest of my life!
Cheers!
