We had about a day in the States on our way from Nicaragua to the Philippines, and I’m not going to lie… it was weird. After the necessary trip to Starbucks and a good burger with sweet potato fries, the thrill wore off. I was on a flight from Miami to LA, and there was a documentary on Costco on the TV. Don’t get me wrong- I think wanting to save people money is a noble pursuit, especially in hard economic times. But then the documentary cut to this section on how many stores Costco has worldwide. In the US alone, Costco has 538 stores. 538. That seems so excessive to me. Maybe it’s because I’m the daughter of a small business owner, and therefore basically genetically designed to dislike large corporations. But maybe it’s something else. I started thinking about Americans and corporate America and life and humanity, as I usually do when things like this come up. I decided that the main problem is greed. Then I realized that, while corporate America is a huge contributor to this mindset, I am not really free from guilt here. I started journaling and this is what I came up with.
I am disgusted by greed- the insatiable desire for more. I am confused by the brokenness, the stench of rotting souls that nobody seems to notice. I am frustrated by the numb oblivion that people are seduced into. I am saddened by the deception that parades as truth.
But I’m most repulsed by all of these same things inside of me. My obsessive need for control. My fleshly desire for material comforts. My rebellious heart that would submit to the lie that I don’t need my Creator. My addiction to myself. My blind judgment of the broken. My arrogant pride that keeps me from intimacy with the One who created me. My urge to conform to normalcy instead of confidently walk in the specific uniqueness with which I was made. Every single lie that I don’t recognize, but receive with open arms. My inability to trust what I can’t explain or quantify.
Praise God that my righteousness doesn’t come from myself. I am continually baffled by the Lord. He created this world and let it choose brokenness and death. He sees all of it. Everything in you and me- all that crap you don’t want to admit is there. But he loves us anyways. He chooses to pour out his grace on us anyways. He chose to die for us when we hated, rejected, and crucified Him. . He rains his mercy down on each of us when we, in our depravity, spit in his face.
Who does that? Somebody who is the opposite of sin, death, and darkness. Someone who is all goodness, beauty, and love.
I am amazed that the Lord God Almighty would take the broken, corrupt vessel that was my heart and change it into something radiantly beautiful. Not only that- but allow me to daily turn away from what he wants and STILL desire to use me to further His Kingdom on this Earth.
It’s not just me, either. That’s his profound desire for each of his wild, lost children. He doesn’t need us. He wants us. The Ruler and Creator of everything wants us. That kind of love is a recklessly wild pursuit. It is about the least logical system that I can imagine. But if we are honest with ourselves, that is EXACTLY what we need.
