After ministry in South Africa we as a squad had our second debrief. This debrief was different than the first because there were some team changes. Going into debrief I knew that there would be some changes, but I didn't think that it would be that big of a difference because N'Pursuit was and still is like family to me. I was actually beginning to open up more and I felt like I could really trust them. By voicing how I felt I didn't think there would be much of a change, or at least I hoped there wouldn't be for I knew anything could happen.
It was finally the day for us to find out who our new team would be, and we as N'Pursuit had the chance to say goodbye and go over into the new chapter of this race as a different team, with different people. While waiting to find out our new team, we were all facing outward in a huge circle and given a piece of paper that had the names of new team members written on it. All of a sudden I knew things would be completely different. Deep down I had known it all along but I didn't want to admit it.
As I was standing there waiting for the words from on of the squad leaders to say, okay open it, I began to grow weary. Then the words I had been waiting for I finally heard, “open them”. I took a deep breath and opened it, as I was reading through the names I saw one from N'Pursuit, Sarah. I felt a sense of relief seeing her name, but sadly there were no other names from my first team to be found.
A sudden hit of sadness came over me and I couldn't hold back the tears. The night before had already been emotional enough because it was our last night as a team, and all I could think of is why am I still crying. I thought I was over it all, however, I really wasn't and at times I'm still not.
These emotions have nothing to do with my new team for I care for them all. I just built such strong ties with the people on N'Pursuit that it makes change really hard for me. I know this is God saying, “Mary, I want you to stop finding comfortable places and staying there. Get out, expand yourself, and continue to build strong friendships. Don't just be content with what you have.”
This process is still hard but after a week I got up the courage and shared what I have been feeling with my new team, and ironically they all could connect with me. I know God put us together for a reason, and I just have to be willing to let go and get out of my comfort zone. This is a process for me but I'm willing to take the steps to change. Team Bold and Mighty (B.A.M.) is the now and I'm ready to start this new chapter of the World Race.
