What are they thinking?
Is what I’m doing ok?
Do they like me?
What do they think about me?
For most of my life I have tried to find my identity in other people, in my work, in the things I did, or how people viewed me. I was self-conscious, I didn’t like who I was…I was never really comfortable in my own skin. I had lots of times in my life where I was able to mask my lack of self-worth. I am outgoing, talkative, and an extrovert. It made it easy for me to LOOK like I has ‘happy go lucky’. But I would constantly be worried about what people were thinking of me.
Not surprisingly I have battled depression for a long time. And even in seasons when things were going well, I was still not happy with who I was, I was still trying to justify who I was to people around me. God has shown me that He delights in me. And that I need to find my identity in Him and not in the world around me. I am a child of God! I am loved! God delights in me. He created me for a purpose and with great care. I can’t even imagine how much God loves me.
A number of years ago a friend gave me a note that was written with great love and care. It says
Mary, “You’re a manifestation of a dream God has a billion years ago, He doesn’t see someone else when he sees you! He sees you. You’re so pretty just the way you are! God created your nose, eyes, lips, cheeks, skin, body shape to be just how it is. He embraces it and absolutely adores you. Fearfully hemmed together. He adores your hands. Your hangnail free fingernails. Every single freckly on your body He placed on you just where they’re supposed to be. He loves your porcelain snow-white (healthy) skin. Darlin’…His love for you is extravagant!”
I have carried that note with me for a long time. And in recent months it has taken on new meaning, as I have experienced the truth that God delights in me.
Here in Nepal, many Christians are surrounded by unbelievers. So many times Christians are looked down on by family and friends (who are usually Hindu or Buddhist). It would be easy to worry about what others are thinking. But as Christians we are to find our identity in Christ. I have seen believers who have been disowned by their family. Youth who have been kicked out of their homes & community because they have decided to follow Christ. People who are baptized, despite the risk of persecution or violence. Surely the Nepalese Christians understand something about finding their Identity in Christ. I have been so encouraged and inspired by the Christians I have met. If they were finding their identity in the world, surely they wouldn’t be following Jesus. Our identity comes from Christ. We are children of God. We have been created with a purpose. And God wants to work in our lives and use us to be a light to our family, friends, our community, our nation, and our world. The Nepalese Christians understand this in a way I have never really experienced before.
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I am engaged in life far from Canada, I want to stay connected to life in Canada too.
