I have to be honest, I have been staring at my computer screen for a couple days now, trying to figure out if there is an adequate way for me to capture the essence of what this past week in the Philippines has been for me. Each new day has aroused a taste of Heaven brought to Earth as I have lived in community with my team, held Filipino orphans, and looked into the dark eyes of each person I have passed on the streets of Manila, realizing that each of them carry the same divine spark inside of themselves that I do. God has been ravaging my heart as He teaches me that yes, I may be here to serve and minister to these people, but they may be teaching ME things about my life and my heart and the heart of God more than I will teach them. Yesterday, a Filipino woman who was a part of the ministry center we are working with here in Manila died of cancer. Her name was Marisol, she was 28 years old and left behind 4 young children and a husband. Some Filipino women had come running up to the center the night Marisol died and grabbed Allison, a World Race staffer who knew Marisol from her time in the Philippines on previous World Races, to tell her the news. They begged Allison to go pray for Marisol, that she would “wake up.” Being that it was nighttime, the slums of Cainta aren’t exactly the safest place to be, especially as an American woman, and since Allison was leaving at 4 the next morning to catch a plane to the States, she volunteered R and Q squads to go pray for Marisol the next morning. So at 7:30 a.m. the next day, 50 of us walked up the hill to Marisol’s house, laid hands on her, and asked the Lord to raise her up. Craziest thing I have ever been a part of, for sure. But after 2 hours of the most powerful prayer I have experienced in this lifetime, I couldn’t help but think it was also the most God-filled thing I have ever been a part of. As I heard Marisol’s children pleading, “Wake up, Mommy,” and as I looked into their wet eyes, past the tears and the deep chocolate brown of their irises, I saw again the same divine spark that I carry inside myself. Before I could understand what was happening, a deep anger began bubbling up inside my soul, stronger and more raging than any other emotion I have ever experienced. I began to weep, deep sobs welling from a place inside my Spirit that I never knew existed. For the first time in my life, I felt I fully grasped that things are not as they should be. This was not God’s design for humanity; Satan came to steal, kill, and destroy, and on some levels he has succeeded. Marisol never should have been taken away from her children. Cancer never should have robbed her of her young life. Things are not as they should be. Marisol did not get up yesterday, for reasons only God can understand, but my faith was not diminished. If anything it was increased, as I was able to more fully take in the divine heartbreak God experienced when His creation chose a lie over His truth, allowing this evil to rip the world apart and blind us to the piece of Divine each of us carries within ourselves. Rob Bell once said, “Community isn’t really created–it’s discovered.” I am beginning to understand this, day by day, as I realize that a people group that seems so different from myself maybe isn’t as different as I thought. Maybe I am just discovering the bonds that have been there all along. Maybe I am beginning to see a piece of the Divine, as I experience a taste of God’s heartbreak as He longs for a humanity that has spurned His advances. Maybe I am beginning to see that the ministry that I am taking part in outside the walls of this center is nothing compared to the work that is going on inside the walls of my heart.
