I’m currently…get this…lost in Seoul, South Korea, and freezing cold, so I stopped into a coffee shop to…get this…try their coffee…I don’t like coffee here either…but I tried. I wrote this blog on the plane on the way here….
I am currently somewhere over Russia on a plane to the opposite side of the world, with a struggle I always seem to battle with loneliness. Who do I know on this plane? Nobody. The guy next to me doesn’t understand any English…and I know no Korean…great combination. The entire journey to get to Bangkok is going to take me somewhere around 34 hours…34 hours of not talking to anyone I know. 34 hours of dare I say introvert time? I don’t actually know how to operate in that way anymore!
I’m not so keen on saying goodbye to people. Something about it just doesn’t work for me. Maybe it’s the extreme extrovert that screams from deep within me realizing it will be a loooong time before I have that place of relational security again. It could be the battle I have with loneliness. It’s possible that I’m simply going to miss people, all over again in life. I had breakfast with my parents, and dinner with two great friends just before 4 other great friends took me to the airport. I would have it no other way, but in all honesty I’m not sure that was the best option. Smiles from me weren’t easy as I said bye to those few people, instead thoughts of all I’d be missing out on overwhelmed me.
That’s just what I do though. I struggle to balance this portion of life. On one hand, I love the people I’ve been doing life with. I love the consistency of it all. I promise this Thursday when I’m not playing cards or watching a movie with Erin and her family, I’ll have a void deep within. When I hear that Matt is leading worship somewhere and I’m not there, something will be missing in me. When Caroline is eating sprinkles and I’m not there, another void will form. When I hear of … Ok, you get the point … Every single thing my friends and family do without me, something within me will cry out. Yet there’s the other side of all of this. What if I stayed? What if I never did leave for Thailand? Well, the opposite would be true. Every time I heard about some children not having a home, something within me cries out. Every time I hear about another village needing love, something is missing. Every time another child is trafficked, something inside screams. It’s a balance that wears me out. One that I never find peace in, but I know I’m doing the thing I need to be doing, even when it is coming at a cost.
I do life with some great people, I always have. In high school, college, North Carolina, then my World Race squad, the World Race staff, my Georgia people, and now Ray and Candace, an incredible couple I’ll be doing life with in Thailand. I’ve said “goodbye” to my Georgian friends or parents and family for awhile, but when I’m back, I’ll treasure the moments we’re together all the more.
…and while I’m away I’ll be scheming more strategy that will allow me to {actually} dominate in card games…sorry Coop (and s&s), you be goin down…
