I’m home again. This will sound a little confusing to some of you, as my last blog was about returning to Abbotsford to help with Leia, my youngest sister, after a bad car accident left her nearly blind. But I’m not talking about Abbotsford. I’m talking about being back in the world where I feel belonging, alive, and a sense of completion I haven’t found elsewhere. I flew into Nicaragua and was greeted by some of my squad mates three days ago with excited hugs and lots of questions about mine and my family’s well being. The next day we were picking up garbage, shoveling horse crap out of the playground, and swinging machetes to clear overgrowth around the slides and gardens of a park we are throwing a carnival in this weekend. I woke up yesterday stiff and sore from the work, and more than a little tired still since I wake up a dozen times in the night due to the heat (something I forgot about). Meals include rice and beans, eggs with rice and beans, and chicken with rice and beans, a far cry from the amazing and constant snacks my pastry chef sister keeps around the house in Abby. I changed my underwear for the first time since Tuesday because my bag went to a different country than I did on the airplane. Last night being Saturday, there was a brass band in the street outside our hotel window intent on keeping us awake all night with various tunes that seemed to get a little less put together as the night went on. And as an added bonus, the showers come with a side of wake-you-up-quick electrical shocks if you touch the wrong thing (surprise!). So why in the world am I smiling? Why am I joyful inside being around so much discomfort?
I said it at the beginning – I am home. It’s an old cliché, but home is where the heart is, and my heart has been on the missions field since I was 17. I am not without joy at home, I love my family and friends and miss them when I’m not around, and I cherish the time I’ve gotten to spend with them all, especially Leia, in the last 2 months. But during my time at home I had a constant feeling of being incomplete. The stuff I talked about wanting to bring back with me, the things I’ve learned this year about living things out within the body, I never figured it out. I was without passion, and it was difficult to face groups of friends even when I wanted to see them and tell them all about everything I’d seen and done this year. So what has become more and more clear to me is that I lack an understanding of what I’ve learned this year. I get it, I can live it, and I can discuss it with someone who has been there or that can at least ask pointed questions about it. But that’s not enough to teach it or disciple others in living a life as sold out to God as the one I’ve seen possible this year.
Throughout all of this I’ve had an idea stewing in the back of my mind, a possibility I had originally left as an outside option should God specifically call me to it, that I’m now considering far more seriously. In Colorado this next year (and I assume for years to come) there is a group of people seeking to live this kind of church body out in the ongoing, life long journey that it’s meant to be. The vision is to truly be church, actively being a body of believers in every moment of every day, reaching out to community while being community, never ceasing to push each other onwards in our walks with Christ and fully supporting any endeavor God leads us to undertake, whether as individuals or as groups. Even if we go in different directions there is a covenant relationship that holds you to one another in prayer, accountability, discipleship, and looking after one another in every way that’s needed. More and more I’m feeling a need to maybe do this, continuing to be discipled that I may more effectively do all the things I’ve been created to do. And hopefully, one day, I’ll be ready to disciple others in this as well.
China is still on my heart and I know I’m going back there, probably not too far in the future. Colorado just might be first. I don’t know how long, how it looks, or even how I’ll get down there (if I get down there). I just know that if it’s God’s plan, it will happen. Like selling my car just as my bank account hit zero last week, allowing me to change my flight to come back earlier than originally planned. I’d really appreciate prayer right now about this, what the right direction is as I finish up one chapter and start another one.
On a more logistical note, today is the last day of ministry for myself and the other racers here. Eleven months comes down to this one final day, for which we are throwing a carnival. I get to make balloon animals (though I have yet to learn how), and maybe pass on some of the wisdom I’ve accumulated in my 8 years on and off the missions field to some newbies that arrive in an hour or two. I meet up with my 7:11 crew tomorrow, and later in the week we will be joined once again by Sarah the Lappster, who has gone home to be there during her mom’s battle with cancer twice now. You just can’t keep her away. I haven’t seen her since she first returned home way back in early February, so I’m really excited about this. There will be hugs.
So the gang’s all here, the band is back together, and oh how we will rejoice. Keep praying for Leia too everyone!
