Faithful One

So, God answers prayer, in case you didn’t know. I know it’s hard when He doesn’t answer the way we think He should, or in the time frame we give Him (like, right away!). But He answers. Though I am so often unfaithful to Him and His ways, He is still faithful to me. Last week I was a little worried about work because after finishing the houses we were working on we didn’t have another job to go to yet. So I had my team pray for about that last week, and guess what? We’ve got work. This week, I was swamped between work, ministry, and taking care of the seemingly endless list of things to do in preperation for this trip. Again, I had my team pray last night that I’d be able to prioritize and find the time for everything. Today, my appointment for getting some immunizations moved from a packed day next week to a free day this weekend, my weekend which was going to be spent working out of town is now a 4 day weekend I intend on using to get things done, and I got off an hour early today which means you get this blog!

Sometimes God waits to answer though. Since 2005 I was praying and waiting to know what my spiritual giftings are, what God has called me to do, and how to know the difference between what I want and what He wants. There were a lot of ups and downs, doubting and then re-dedicating myself to asking the questions, but to make a long story short I’ll just skip to the end. Or most recent beginning I guess.

One day during training we were doing an exercise in meditating on scripture. As I read some scripture, I prayed God would take away doubts and fears and lend me the discernment to know the difference between His voice and mine. I sat in silence, and then I began to write what I felt. When I finished and read what I had written, I was brought to tears by how personal God had suddenly gotten with me. Here’s what I read:

“I have given you a heart for nations, for people. For my children, for our family. You know my heart for I have placed it within you, and you can trust it, for where your heart truly rests so does mine.”

Later that same day I was supposed to be spending time journaling, but I couldn’t manage to keep my eyes open. It felt like something was physically weighing down my eyelids – I fought it as long as I could, but eventually drifted off. Just as I began to dream, I was suddenly bolted awake with the words ‘Matthew 28:20’ blazened accross my vision as though I’d just seen them written in bright lights. I was awakened so quickly by it that I sat there with my eyes still closed (but was completely awake) for a few seconds before I comprehended what had just happened.

Now, those that have memorized bits of scripture will probably know what comes next. Me, I suck at that, so I had no idea. In fact, as I started flipping further and further through Mathew, I was beginning to doubt whether there were even 28 chapters in the book. A page flipped over to reveal that it was, in fact, the very last verse of Matthew. I started taking this a little more seriously. I began to read ‘…and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.’ Recognition hit me as I realized I did know this verse – it’s the second half of the great commision, where Jesus commands his disciples to go out into all the nations and preach the gospel. (Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them…) Chills ran down my spine at this point. But why the second half of the great commission? Why verse 20, not 19-20? As I sat and wondered, my focus was brought to the first line ‘…and teaching them…’

And it hit me. All the things I’d been through in the last few years, all the lessons and changes, so much of it was directly related to this exact thing. Not only was God answering my prayers of the last 2 years, He was showing me that He’d BEEN answering my prayers for those 2 years! In that one day God showed me the answers to my prayers for discernment by assuring me that I could trust the heart He had given me, and He told me that I have been gifted in the ability to teach, to lead, and to disciple people in following His ways. I can’t count how many times I got mad at Him for not answering me when I asked what He wanted of me, what I was here for. How much impatience and frustration I poured out on Him. But in the end it turns out, as it always does, that He’s been faithful to me all along, I just couldn’t see what He was doing. He humbled me in my lack of understanding and foolishness, but also edified me by giving me an identity in Him.

So what about my third prayer, what God wants me to do? Well, right now it’s the World Race, where my heart knows it belongs. It’s youth leadership, where one of the youth in my small group has asked me to baptize him (my first baptism!!). And after I get home next year? Whatever He asks – I’m leaving my schedule open.