What a ride it has been!!
in less than 4 weeks I fly for an 11 month missions trip through Asia…this is crazy its getting so real!!
I am about to hit $5000 raised and thats more than has ever been raised for me, God truly is a provider and even when we have our doubts he still shows up in some amazing ways!!
If you have been following along with my previous blogs you may have realized a common theme and that was struggle. For so long I kept things bound up, for so long I didn’t actually give things to God. These posts were my way of trying to start the process. They are down, depressed, and honestly reading them you can even question if I was doing this thing for me instead of because I felt called to it.
Life seemed to stay in a state of decay for me, but it never clicked that it was because my refusal to just give in. I knew there was something wrong, and I knew that I needed to go to God, but stubborn me “knew” I could fix it….its funny how often we substitute I instead of God.
Training camp was a little over a month ago which seems crazy because time is linear. That’s when I really started to process everything, and when I got back that first week, man was I on fire for God!!!…but then week two came along.
For the past 3 weeks I have started to fall back in to the old usual me, which is struggling letting go, not really talking to people, and just being a total couch potato that goes more to Netflix than the bible. A big part of me was just starting to believe that I made the wrong choice to sign up for the World Race. I was falling into the belief that my team would be much better without me. They don’t need that negativity, and I wouldn’t be much help anyway because they are freaking awesome and I’m me. The money wasn’t coming in either and getting to this deadline seems impossible…(man I have been a negative nancy).
I had a dream the other night that I was sent home early from the field or I wasn’t able to go because of finances, I cant remember which one. My squad was there, with the whole team mentors and mobilizer and all. I was awoken from this dream and my heart hurt. Emotions are hard for me to admit to, but this was honestly the first time I ever almost cried being woken up from a dream. I realized that this is something that I really want, but even more so I truly believe its what God has called me to. I cant even imagine not going through this next year with these amazing Men and Women of God!!
I am so excited to see what this next year brings, and I promise you I am making the effort to change, and be the man God has called me to be. It hasn’t been an easy road for me, and even though I’ve struggled up to this point I am fully committed to this, and I never really knew it until recently (I suppose late is better then never I suppose)!
I want to thank everyone that has supported me so far whether it be financially or prayerfully! You guys are helping lay seeds that are going to change the world!! I could never be where I am without you and from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!!
P.S. You should check out my squad, they are some of the most passionate and God fearing people you will find. I am blessed beyond measure to even be on the same squad as them, let alone be called friend. Every single one of them could use your prayers as well for finances and just growth in general!
Again thank you so much God bless!!!!
