I’m glad I’m not an African woman who must sit on the dirt while her husband sits at a table.
I’m glad I’m not an African woman because it would deeply wound to know that I am not my husband’s only lover.
I am glad I’m not a Muslim woman, for my clothing would aggravate me, making me feel unknown and simply hot!
I’m glad I’m not a young girl in Eastern Europe whose last option is to sell herself.
I am so blessed to have the life I live. I was born in a good family. My parents were able to provide above and beyond my every need. I was educated with an incredible worldview. My largest threat was not being raped or starved, but being asked out by boys that I had no interest in dating. And if I did have a problem, I could always pull the “my dad’s a cop” card. I have experienced so muchl. I have endless opportunities if I only reach out and put in a little effort.
I don’t get it. How is it that I have privileges that other women will likely never dream up? This contrast…it’s not fair.
It’s been 12 and a half hours on this African bus with eight more to go. Driving into the Tanzanian sunset, headed toward Rwanda.
The things that this trip has done in me so far are truly funny. They are things that one would expect to gain from traveling, ministering, sacrificing, and being completely uncomfortable for a year. I only hope that I’ve given as much hope as I’ve received thus far. God just now told me that I have. I worry about this…not doing all that I am supposed to be doing out here, for I don’t want it to be in vain. Then He politely reminds me that He is proud of His daughter. He reminds me through friends, miracles, and little (yet enormous) gifts such as mangos, palm trees, and schools of fish in the ocean.
But there is more, this I know. There is more work for me to do. There is always more. I am enough in His eyes, yet He calls me to greater things that I can’t yet perceive. He is enough for me, yet I always long for more. How is He this good? He just is. And how is it that He has more for me? I don’t know. I will never understand the capacity of the greatest love that never changes.
He is teaching me to dream again. Heck, He is teaching me to dream for what seems like the first time. There are many factors that have played into this. I owe the most gratitude to my team leader and friend, Stephanie. A few nights ago while eating a once-in-a-year, picturesque meal in Zanzibar, she asked me about my kingdom dream. This term, kingdom dream is thrown around quite a bit amongst World Racers. Cliché phrases often turn me off, but there was no getting around this question. I habitually skirt around questions about my future and give responses about practical things that I could see myself doing that aren’t at all daunting. I keep it safe for fear of what others may think. But those things aren’t in my dreams. God has placed other things inside my heart. And so, with the moon high in the sky and a candlelit table, I told my team of my astronomical ponderings.
While running on a Colorado trail nearly two years ago, I had the crazy notion that I should go to law school. This was the result of my passion to combat sex trafficking. I was learning the ins and outs of the business by attending meetings at a local task force. The most effectual way to beat the system is to go after the head guys themselves by means of law enforcement. Recently however, I have had another crazy notion to tell stories. Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved writing. I would write in my diaries . . . mostly just about the events of the day or about spying on neighbors through fence pickets, documenting their every significant move. I was also fond of writing stories. Some of my infamous titles were, Footprints in the Snow and Lost in the Pines. Now, my story-telling ambitions consist of real-life stories. I am encountering hundreds of folks whose stories need to be told.
Law. Journalism. They both seem so far-fetched. Making a dent in human trafficking. That seems obscure.
“Let your world be wide open and your fears be blown apart. Let your voice be louder than bombs. Somewhere in the silence find one to trust.” –Athlete
I fear. I fear that I won’t make the cut for any of my astronomical endeavors. I’m no genius. I fear that I won’t have enough funds. I fear the prospect of being in debt. Fear creeps in about where I will live when I return to the states. Will I become a career woman and not get married until I reach my late thirties? What if I never get married at all? How about fun? I like to have fun. If I can’t go hiking or play soccer in a week, my life seems fruitless. My biggest fear of them all lingers . . . How about God? More than anything, I don’t want to become engrained in the things I am striving toward. I want Him to be the reason I do everything. Furthermore, I want Him to be guiding my every desire, my every move, my everything. He must be in it all.
This song by Athlete also says, “smile at the unknown.” Smile at the unknown. I am learning that this is how God wants me to live. Despite all the fears that I listed above, I am becoming free. He knows me! He knows you. We are His children and He will never forget the things He’s promised. He will do great things if we step out.
My friend Brittany shared a passage from Acts at a church service recently. Chapter 12, verses 7-8
And behold, an angel of the Lord stood next to him, and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him, saying, “Get up quickly.” And the chains fell off his hands. And the angel said to him, “Dress yourself and put on your sandals.” And he did so. And he said to him, “Wrap your cloak around you and follow me.”
Brittany explained that the Lord wanted Paul to “go in the strength he had.” He would take care of the rest. Paul obeyed by standing and in turn, his chains fell off.
I don’t know how a single thing may play out, but I know the author of my life. I need not worry. It will be good. I am going to strive each day to make the most of my dreams. I know that He will bring it all to completion.
Our Father longs for us to be free because He has great things in store. He has mighty things that He wants to do through us to reveal His glory, revealing it to more people. We must stand. We must obey. He gives us visions and desires for a reason.
And so, from my bug net in Kigali . . .
“Let your fears be blown apart.”
“Smile at the unknown.”
Go after your God-given dreams…whatever they may be. Obscure, extravagant, simple, difficult, unknown . . .
And to those women in Eastern Europe and all over the world who have lost hope, there are people fighting for you. We don’t want to waste a moment.
Photo Credit: Stephanie May
