God certainly has a sense of humor when it comes to us and our plans, doesn’t He?
A good portion of you who have subscribed to this blog have probably heard me say at some point in my life that “I will never move back to Dallas.” Guess where I am today? AND-get this-I am CONTENT to be here. All I can say is…ONLY You God, ONLY You. =P
I was very blessed to have been given back my old job in Lubbock. I put in a lot of good work ethic and got to give a presentation about my trip at the office. I was able pay my loans back on time thanks to a steady income. I was falling in love with my gospel community at Redeemer; I loved the direction my home church was heading in. I had high expectations of pitching in with the children’s ministry and plunging into acts of service. Guess you could say I had a pretty good thing goin’ there. But then one night, I distinctly heard God tell me, “Marissa, your season here is over. It’s time to move on.”
Excuse me. What?! Wait, I couldn’t have heard that right. I mean…c’mon…I JUST got back! At least here I know I can pay my bills on time and I already know who’s around me. I was just starting to get comfortable, why give that up?? And yet, I wasn’t telling anyone about how lonely and isolated I really felt. I wasn’t jumping up at the chance to serve in the children’s ministry. I was pouring a lot of dedication into my job sure, but my energy and desire to serve people face-to-face just couldn’t be fueled there. By living in denial, I was trying to make it work because I was afraid of letting it all go once again. For three months, although I was trying to figure out what direction was next, I refused to consider that He wanted me anywhere else but Lubbock.
Yet I couldn’t deny what I’d heard. For a weekend, I prayed and little by little….DFW actually looked…dare I think it?…appealing! Despite the initial anxiety of letting go of a solid monthly income for unknown provision, I received PEACE. The following Monday morning at work, I threw myself into a little debate with God about the “when?” and the “are You sure??” and before I knew it, I turned in my two week’s notice. Doubts crept in immediately: about security, about selfishness versus obedience, etc. Hadn’t I told SO MANY people that I was never going back? And yet…I’m going back? Was I just a failure then? So God rebuked me because He loves me enough to discipline me. Did I trust Him or not? Will I obey Him or not? It’s a yes or no.
Two weeks later, I said goodbyes, packed everything I owned back into my car and prayed to God I wasn’t screwing this up.
For several weeks I’ve been sending off cover letters with an updated resume, filling out applications and doing interviews and studying for my licensing exam. I felt no sense of direction about the kind of job that I should apply for. Like I explained in my last blog, my heart is just all over the place! So I made a list of my needs, then my wants, and turned those into my “qualifications” for the job I was looking for and stuck to jobs in social work. I prayed over them and I surrendered it all to God every single day I was in the waiting tank.
Last week, I was offered and accepted a job as a Parent Mentor with a Christian adoption/foster care agency. Andd wouldn’t you know it…EVERY SINGLE ONE of my qualifications is met by this position with this agency. ONLY You God, ONLY You. He knows where my heart is and what it needs to keep pressing forward-it’s as if this job was tailored just for me at just this season of my life. My joy has been restored.
Between the time when I moved and when I’ll start earning my income, not one of my financial needs will have gone unmet. I’ve begun being drawn into a gospel community close to where I’m living. I attended a Beth Moore simulcast today hoping to get even more confirmation that I’m where I should be. I didn’t even know what the topic would be. As I was waiting for it to start, I wrote to God about 3 ways I want to grow this year with Him. The teaching I received today was about the first thing on my list!! Some women in the church wouldn’t let me sit or eat alone the entire day, and through their kindness and our discussions, God confronted the 2nd and 3rd things on my list!
All I can say right now is ONLY You God, ONLY You!
…oh, and I guess I should never say never again huh? 😉
