April 12th, 2010:
When we get to the red light district, our team prayers over the place and the people we will meet that night. Jessica was so boldly talking about God on the side of the street; I became so fearful of man that I just wanted to find a hole and hide in it. I just knew people would be walking by, hear God’s name and laugh at us or something. Why was I feeling so ashamed to profess God’s name in this dark place? Satan wasn’t hesitating to attack because God had big plans for me this night!!
I felt so cowardly and my sisters saw I was upset. I was vulnerable about my feelings and thoughts and not once did they condemn me, but they prayed for me and encouraged me to be God’s light in that place in the way I knew how. I didn’t want to receive their words, but I walked in with them anyway. I just didn’t see or have any idea how I could really make a difference in such a dark place. I failed before…why would here and now be any different?
Loi Kroh Road: row of bars/pubs we go to and pray over every night
As soon as we came to the first familiar bar, one of the girls (a prostitute I befriended a couple of nights ago) recognized me and called me over to her. I played pool with her, but in the course of the game attracting customers distracted her. I sat and talked with a woman sitting alone at the far end of the bar. Nan is 32, mother of three, and is fairly new to working at this pub. She and I began to have such an open conversation that flowed so naturally. Later we sat at a table just outside the bar and she began to tell me about her life, her job, and that she was really hurting inside. Then she began to turn her face away and cry…
I listened as she continued to cry and try to curl up in a ball. It was killing her inside to be working there. She feels lonely, sad and under so much pressure of supporting her family…she felt she had no other choice to make money fast. She has 100 baht to her name, she tries to go without eating to save money, and sleeps on the floor of her boss’ apartment because she can’t afford anything else right now. She works every night, no days off. I wasn’t sure what to do or say, my heart was broken for her. At first I questioned how some naive young woman like me from priviliged, suburbia America could possibly help someone who has to sell her body to strangers to make ends meet? Immediately God reminded me of all of the struggle and confusion I’ve been dealing with lately and how He never once abandoned me through it all (please read my last blog for an explanation). So although I was helpless to save her, I knew Someone who could….and so I told her about Jesus Christ. She had never heard his name mentioned before! So I sat with her hand-in-hand amidst the loud music and partying and told her about God and His unconditional love for Nan. I could tell that because of the hurt and lies she’s experienced for so long, that it was difficult to believe the truth.
For 400 baht any customer could buy her for the night and from that she keeps maybe half of what she makes. (Just so you know 300 baht is $10USD!) When I asked what Nan would do if she could have just one night off, she said she would give anything to be at home to rest. She began to cry again as she told me how she has trouble sleeping and has no friends…her life is “sad and empty”. I wanted so badly to free her from that place but I all I had on me was 20 baht. I gave it to her, initially she refused it, but when she saw I actually cared about her and wanted to help by giving her all I had, she accepted it tearfully and most gratefully.
Before I left that night, I prayed over her and made her a promise to give her a night off the very next night…
so many beautiful women here living in hurt
Little did I know that starting this night God was going to make some big changes in both of our lives. This is only the beginning of seeing something beautiful rise from the ashes…
