I just don’t know where to start because God has been doing some amazing things with the June squad here at training camp in Georgia. I will start and end by saying that God is good and capable of taking messy, broken shells of life and making them beautiful and pure and usable!
I came to camp expecting rejection. I struggled often (many times a day) for the past two months leading up to camp. Most of my life I felt as if people looked at me, judged me based on appearances alone and found me uninteresting or unlovable. I had to work at it to make friends or feel included in groups. I would become so angry if people just couldn’t accept me for who I was. And a big problem was…I didn’t even know who I was to begin with. I people please and I feel like most of my life is like living some out of body experience, not feeling any real joy and just living on the outskirts of the action. I expected training camp to be like an intense military camp where I would be running all day long and shown to be a failure because I can’t keep up with everyone else who was probably in perfect physical shape to do this race.
From the get-go the staff here at AIM held back many details about the schedule of the day ahead. We were given just enough instruction to get us to the next step. I found myself out of control of things and just praying I wouldn’t look like a fool. I doubted very much whether or not I was really supposed to be on this trip…whether or not I could make it/cut it to stay on the team. The first few days of this week was spent crying as I was listening to one message after another about the weight of sin, grieving and the importance of understanding that it’s okay not to be okay. Maybe that sounds depresssing and somber, but the truth of the matter is is that every message I received was EXACTLY what I’ve needed to hear and work through. I have come to know true freedom from my failures and crap. The lies that I lived by, that I thought I could never be changed, that I was worthless and unusable were completely obliterated by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Simple truths as these have become amazing revelation and my chains have been broken by the hand of God.
My entire journey here I have been encouraged and pushed by incredible people who have prophesied truth over my life and reaffirmed my identity in Christ as a beloved daughter of God. Because of this my spirit has been ignited and I am on fire and excited about being a member of this June team!!
(if I remember correctly, we were resting down after a morning yoga exercise)
