This month I wanted to focus my effort and attention on spiritual discipline in preparation for the WR. But I’m beginning to see how this preparation and learning and coming to God goes beyond a mission trip. Don’t misunderstand me, this mission trip is by no means a small feat, but in these past two weeks alone, I’m learning to appreciate the bigger picture.
I moved into a one-bedroom duplex in a different part of Lubbock. It reminds me very much of Oak Cliff where my grandmother used to live. Some houses look eerily familiar to me. 😉 When I moved out of my ex-roommate’s house, I left without furniture (save a computer desk and small dining table w/ chairs that I had just bought from someone on Craigslist. So I lacked a bed, kitchen appliances (save a toaster), TV, couch, dresser…you get the picture. The first night in the new place, I slept on a bunch of blankets on a floor that smells (and looks) like urine or something or other. (I definitely plan to recarpet when funds are ample again.) I did have a stereo but don’t really care to listen to the stations that I was able to hear with clear reception. So for the past 30 days I have not been able to watch TV programs. My aunt and uncle gave me a TV they no longer needed, but I forgot to get the antenna. Somehow, I don’t think that was really a mistake. In any case, I don’t plan to buy one anytime soon.
At first, the quiet was awkward, very awkward. I did have my iPod to listen to to drown out the silence. The day after I moved in, I noticed my duplex neighbor moving out, so I’ve been free to turn up the volume and sing without worry that someone will get upset or annoyed at hearing my voice. =P Despite the fact that I went from watching non-stop cable until early morning and all weekends, I’ve enjoyed this quiet at the new home. I get home after work and I listen and/or sing songs or I dig into some book. This month of July I am purposely reading and re-reading the Book of John as much as I can, but being careful not to make a game out of it. This time of quirky solitute has been AMAZING!! I’m talking to God more openly and more frequently. I’m reading and working through The Art of Listening Prayer by Seth Barnes. I’m becoming hungry for my fill of scripture and seeking godly wisdom. I don’t know how else to describe this time but I CAN’T GET MY FILL! This isn’t a time of dissatisfaction, but rather chasing and offering up to God my unsatisfaction with my sin and former habits. Two of my “spiritual heroes”, so to speak, are Jim and Elisabeth Elliot. I can’t give their lives’ justice in a small description of them. I hope in your own time you’ll do some digging and investigation of your own. But I admire Jim’s fervor and Elisabeth’s brutal honesty about waiting in regards to love and marriage. I find myself in this familiar period of quiet waiting.
Through reading about Jim’s life in The Journals of Jim Elliot and In the Shadow of the Almighty, I find myself coming before Christ daily asking for more of God’s presence and peace of mind. As I’m finishing up Elisabeth’s Passion and Purity, I feel like her words are spot-on with my own questions and desires for my husband, but daily surrendering and acknowledging that I prefer God’s to my own. Today I finished up my first read-through of the Book of John and thanks to the teaching of the Holy Spirit, I read it and heard the truth with open eyes and open ears. Jesus Christ came to give us life and it is through our love of brothers and obedience to that the world will know God and He will be glorified! The way Jesus had to live and die was not easy, but it was simple and powerful. Christ absolutely knew that to glorify God, he had to obey all the commands given him and he did just that.
My preparation is simple, but not easy. It will go one well past this one month. But I have a chance each and every day that I live and breathe to obey God and bring glory to His name. I want my life to honor Him above my own. Every day that I come to see the reality of the responsibility I will have in each of the 11 countries, I know with confidence that I please God with my belief in Him to get me to each place and to be His workman.
He is just getting started with me. I am eager to keep running the race set before me.
