Thailand, Malaysia, Cambodia
Sharp shooting pain started in my neck that radiated throughout my whole head and back. I could only squeeze my eyes shut, ball up my fists and wait for it to pass.
I had woken up that morning with a crick in my neck. It was not the first time and I wasn’t worried. Just be careful, turn your head slowly and eventually it will pass, right? This time was different. I had a seventeen hour travel day ahead of me that included a six hour jostling train ride through the mountains of Malaysia.
By the time we boarded the train, it had already been an exhausting day and I was sore from holding my head so still. I was ready to get some sleep, but each time I nodded off my neck wouldn’t stay still and I would awake to a pain that caused me to cry out with instant tears in my eyes. The few seconds that it took to pass always seemed to stretch into forever.
I was so relieved when we finally arrived at our destination to find the team waiting to carry my 50 lb. pack. It took an entire week before my neck was back to normal, but I soon forgot the pain and didn’t remember until this week.
I was spending some time with Jesus as I thought over the month in Cambodia. Although this was my favorite month on the Race so far, it was not without its challenges. To summarize, I found myself caught up in battling insecurity after insecurity, because I had left the door open to pride. A place where I was the focus instead of Jesus. A perfect place for fear and confusion to dwell.
As I was asking the Lord about it, I tilted my head to the side and realized that even a month later my neck was still stiff. I instantly heard His voice, “How long will you try to hold up your own head, Marielle? How long will you insist on doing it in your own strength?” And this is how He explained it to me:
Exodus 34:9
“And [Moses] said, ‘If now I have found favor in your sight, O Lord, please let the Lord go in the midst of us, for it is a stiff-necked people, and pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us for your inheritance.’”
Nehemiah 9:16
“They acted presumptuously and stiffened their neck and did not obey your commandments. They refused to obey and were not mindful of the wonders you performed among them, but they stiffened their neck and appointed a leader to return to their slavery in Egypt. But you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and did not forsake them.”
Isaiah 52:2
“Shake yourself from the dust and arise; be seated, O Jerusalem; loose the bonds from your neck, O captive daughter of Zion.”
Psalm 3:3
“But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.”
I have learned how painful a stiff neck can be. God has called me to trust in His protection and strength and to keep my gaze on Him as I remain mindful of His faithfulness in my life. It is a much safer place. A place where Jesus is the focus instead of myself. A perfect place for peace and love to dwell.
