I didn’t like it. In fact, I was terrified. I was perfectly happy gliding through these last few months before they stopped my blissful slide into home plate and added responsibility.
Who am I to become team leader? Yes, I have had leadership positions in the past, but they didn’t involve spiritual stuff. And besides, I’m a hot mess! Who wants a leader who is afraid or stressed out?
I was sure they had chosen the wrong girl, and as my first few weeks as team leader went on… I was even more certain of it. I wasn’t team leader material…I freaked out too much.
But yesterday something changed. My old team leader Molly (who is still on my team, thank God!)
encouraged me to read Joshua 1.
I grew up in Sunday school. I know all the stories of the great Bible heroes who led armies and killed giants. Yet in the telling and retelling of those stories I believe I’ve missed the human element. I’ve focused on what God had done, instead of who God had used.
God used messy people! He used Moses a murderer, Jacob a deceiver, David an adulterer, and Joshua a freak out.
No no no, the Bible never comes right out and says that Joshua was a freak out, but by looking at God’s words to Joshua in Joshua 1 I can only conclude that this man had doubts.
In a matter of 10 verses God tells Joshua to “be strong and courageous” 3 times! Ending with my favorite variation in Joshua 1:10:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
I can only imagine that Joshua was standing there shaking in fear as the Lord was telling him how he was to lead the Israelites. If he wasn’t, then why did God so adamantly reiterate “be strong and courageous”?
Now I am not Joshua, and leading team G-unit through Nepal, China, and the Philippines is not at all like leading the Israelites to the Promised Land, but my little freak out heart takes comfort in knowing that even the great heroes of the Bible were hot messes like me.
So that being said, I am asking for prayers to let go of all doubts and to whole heartedly follow the Lord as I try to lead as the Lord wants me to these last few months.
