Why God?
Why have you brought me to these countries and I haven’t gotten to do hardly anything I want to do? Why did I raise all of this money to pitch fork hay in a field all day, build a Tilapia farm that might not work, be persecuted for things that I didn’t do, be far away from my family and friends for a year, not hold any babies, pick up poop, move rocks, etc. Why God have you brought me to this place of brokenness, crying out to you with all that I am, wondering where you are throughout the day.
Why God?
During these past 6 months, I have had a TON of “why God” moments. It hurts my heart, really. Sometimes it’s even a struggle to wake up and be motivated to start the day. I’m being honest on how I have felt, but let me tell you some realizations that I’ve had that make all of this worth it.
-I chose to do the World Race. I chose to be the hands and feet of Jesus. If someone needs help plowing the fields, I am going to learn how and do my best. No matter how much I sweat!
-God has provided the best of friends to surround me. If I do not like the job, I am certainly glad to be working with the people around me. I have an incredible, loving squad that has turned into some of my very best friends.
–Colossians 3:22-24, Philippians 1:6, 4:6-7, Ephesians 1:11, 6:10, James 1:2-4 and so much more of God’s Word has become more alive to me than ever before.
– I am maturing in who the God of ALL things, has created me to be.
-I’m learning something new every day. For example; life skills, favor of the Lord, budgeting, how ministry works, gifts of the Spirit, culture, and so much more.
-Even when I'm exhausted, I have learned how to push through on Jesus's strength, not my own.
-Community living can be hard at times, but it’s so fun. There’s never a dull moment and always a shoulder to lean on.
-It has helped me be grateful for things. When I do get to hold a baby, I treasure that moment. Praying for people has become more special and intimate times.
-I see God work in everything that I do. I see Him working in my teammates, I see Him in nature where before the race, I hadn't really paid attention. I see visions throughout the day where God is speaking to me. I see Him everywhere, all the time.
-My worship has become more beautiful and heartfelt. His voice has become more clear and noticeable.
As difficult as it may be at times, God has brought me into a season of brokenness and desiring absolutely everything He desires for my life. Letting go of my pride and walking in pure humility. I mean, since I have a lot of time to think while doing manual labor, I have had time to work on my heart and hear Him speak. He has always shown His faithfulness, and He will never stop. I have no reason to doubt my Father, or to worry, be anxious, and especially let Satan steal my joy.
God is doing big things in my life. I am becoming new, and I will forever be transformed.
