Waiting on God is not easy nor fun. It’s actually really confusing and down right discouraging.
What a great opening line right? Don’t worry, this gets better. I think.
I opened my Jesus Calling today and it spoke about waiting on The Lord, trusting that He hears us and that He only has good in mind for us. Basically that He’s got our back and we just have to sit and be patient with Him. After reading this I decided to close my eyes, sit still and wait on The Lord; wait to see if He was going to show me anything or give me some kind of sign. As I sat there with my eyes closed my mind started racing with everything that was going on in my life.
“Should I go workout? Should I lay in bed and watch Netflix till work? Did I finish all my laundry?” I tried to clear my mind several times but all these thoughts just kept running through my head faster and faster. I actually started to get a headache from it all. Then just as I was going to completely give up on this whole “sit still and listen” exercise, I heard this:
“Mariah, I have been waiting on you for almost 21 years.”
I all of a sudden I felt really cold and my hands got clammy. It was true. God watched me, waited on me and was patient with me for almost 21 years and here I was praying and giving up 2 weeks later when I still hadn’t heard a thing from Him. I felt stupid and embarrassed… and very VERY humbled.
Can you even imagine how it would feel to wait on someone you are in love with for 21 years? Honestly, really. Just think about it. 21 whole years, half a lifetime for some people; all spent waiting on someone you love so much to come back to you and say an earnest and genuine “i’m sorry.” Could you even forgive them? Could you still love them the same? Would you forgive but still hold some bitterness deep down in your heart?
It pained me to think God was there the whole time, watching me make bad decision after bad decision. Quietly crying out my name but being drowned out by the loud music and clanking of beers in the bars. Telling me to come home when all I did was stay out late at night with friends. I was a slave to the world, a slave to trying to fit in with new friends, a slave to what all the 20 year olds are doing these days when I knew deep down in my heart I wanted no part of what they were doing but I did it anyway.
I was the cause of my own pain in my life, how ironic.
Then I thought, “How can You love me? After everything I’ve done, after everything I’ve failed to do? How is that even possible? How does that kind of love even exist?”
My answer? The book of Hosea. That’s how He loves me. That’s how He sees me and that’s how perfect He is.
For you who don’t know much about the book of Hosea I will give you a quick run down. God calls a man after His own heart to marry and love a woman named Gomer, who just happens to be a prostitute.
Can you imagine how this guy feels? He probably feels like he got jibbed. He dedicated his life to God and in return God gives him a prostitute who not only doesn’t really love him but leaves him multiple times. Starts having sex for money again and even has children from other men. Talk about harsh.
But Hosea doesn’t give up on Gomer. Every time she leaves he goes after her, buys her out of bondage and brings her home. He loved her with all his heart. He accepted her as she was and was obedient to Gods will in his life. Why did God create the story of Hosea and Gomer? They were the human representation of Gods love for us.
Thats you, that’s me. We are Gomer and God is Hosea. We leave, run, flee, make bad decisions and each time God is there buying us back from slavery. Comforting us through His word, making us whole again, loving us like no one in this world ever could, redeeming us with His Son Jesus.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe that Jesus’s love is unconditional when someone we loved didn’t love us back. It’s not right to base God’s love off of human love because they are very different. God is perfect and there comes a point in our relationship with Him that we have to mentally separate God’s love from human love. Because human love is imperfect and often will fail you while God’s love doesn’t. God’s love is perfect.
So before you believe that you are far past being redeemed or that there is no way God can love you because you did _______. STOP. JUST STOP.
Open a Bible and if you don’t have a Bible then google the book of Hosea. Google forgiveness, ask God to show you how He sees you. Be honest in your relationship with God. Tell Him everything, and I mean everything. Vent to Him, don’t hide what you’ve done or what you’ve thought about doing. He already knows, He just wants to hear you say it so yall can start moving past it. Because if you don’t acknowledge something out loud it’ll stay in your mind for as long as you let it, it’ll haunt you over and over again. Gods wants you. He really really does. He loves you, He wants a relationship with you. All you have to do is start talking. And every time you get frustrated about unanswered prayers just remember how long He waited on you. Be patient and have faith.
Your life isn’t over, your story isn’t done yet. This is NOT how it ends. Give Him the pen and let Him write the rest of your book. I promise He will give you the best beginning, middle and end if you just trust in Him. Let your past be your testimony to His faithfulness and let your future be as bright as the sky.
I really do love YOU and I think you are beyond special and if you’ve made it this far down this blog then you definitely have patience 😉
Just remember it’s not about how many times you fall during your walk with The Lord, it’s all about how fast you get up and run back to Him.
Love,
Mariah
P.S. If you need someone to pray for you, speak truth over you or if you just want a new friend don’t be scared to get in contact with me. I love praying for people and I love new friends even more!
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