Once the Camino was finished we headed to Mijas, Spain. We all knew what was coming- chaotic, adventurous, travel then filled with the inevitable- saying the “final” goodbye to 35 beautiful, wonderful, God- fearing men and women. *I put it in “” because most of us will be attending PSL – Project Search Light in Atlanta, GA.
Our time in Mijas was filled with morning session, free afternoons, and beautifully crafted meals followed by night sessions which involved worship and reflection time. We honed in on a lot of what the next step in our game plan might be for re-entry back to America. I would be lying if I said that it was a soft week of relaxing and enjoying the time of being with my squad mates. While it was, I stressed myself out with unrealistic expectations of myself. I had the idea in my head that if I wasn’t going to be living in a community house with some of my squad mates, or in an AIM position in Gainsville, or even considering squad leading in the near future, or doing a leadership track after the race that I had FAILED! While failing in and of its self is not a bad thing, dwelling on it or fearing it is not healthy. I had put myself down for days thinking that I had went on this journey, this adventure- had learned so many things and now… I’d wouldn’t be doing something that would set me up for 100% success, and I freaked myself out!
Eventually there was a teacher that we heard from that said something profound to my ears, “You were made to be loved, and that’s your purpose”
Most of you may not agree with that statement, but it was so simple and intimately deep that it stuck with me. I will not be out of the Lords will if I allow him to love me. That has been a HUGE fear of mine! The fear of disappointing others, especially God, terrified me. I don’t want to go through my life and realize that I threw away all that I had learned this last year.
Aside from these thoughts going through my mind, it was a total blessing to attend some of the breakout sessions that I did! It was awesome to celebrate with my squad and take cutesy pictures, and give the longest “see ya later” hugs! By the time we landed in the Miami airport we have done even the longest goodbye party ever (and I would know what that is like considering I live in Minnesota!!)
We went our separate ways August 21st assuming that we would see about 30 of our squad mates on September 16th. It was bittersweet, but also awesome to know that I will see them again, super soon!! 🙂
Since returning to Minnesota, I have gotten a job at the local high school in my home town as a SPED para, and I work with the high schoolers! It’s not what I expected to be doing, but for now it’s exactly what I need!
I’m still gathering the details of my trip to Malawi. My time frame has changed from January to now having me depart in June for three month vision trip. I’ll have those details out in October! 🙂
Huge shout out to all of you!! THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT!!!!
