Hi.
Context: we went to Janes and Alex’s house today (the homeless people). It was a run down complex that had been abandoned years ago.
Background on Jane and Alex. They are both gypsy. They were a part of the Mafia. Jane has been on the street since she’s been 11 and is now 28. She’s been involved with prostitution. She now has seven children, Alex being the oldest, at age 15.
The gypsy population gets high in Romania by huffing paint, and they have a very low mortality rate.
Things I saw/ associated it with at their house… rundown, dark, paint fumes, strangers coming together, trashed, welcoming people. Openness on their end, but sketchy as all get out (in my mind).
Immediate flash backs to being a kid. Immediate thoughts of “something is wrong”, “these people are scary”.
My thought is that because they do drugs, they are scary, its sketch, I’m not safe.
Drugs are to blame for all of this. They let the drugs identify who they are as people. Because of the drugs they steal, don’t have anything nice, don’t care about themselves, etc.
The only question I can come up with is– WHY?!?!
What I know: that’s so judgmental…. that’s not true- not all people who use drugs are scary. Not all people who use drugs disrespect/disregard themselves.
I want to see past it- there’s SO. MUCH. MORE.
I’m failing to see past the material and see how God views them. I’m failing at loving them as people and just seeing the frontal. I’m failing at seeing the “problem” and now how God has drastically changed them and is working in them. I’m failing to see past my own personal flash backs with my mom on this and I don’t know how to move past it. I don’t know how to get healing. I don’t know what that looks like. I don’t know how to have a nutural thought on drugs. I don’t know how to just mourn for them because it’s a crappy situation. I. Don’t. Know.
-what am I not seeing??
-they are more than what they do. They are more than addiction!
I’m not looking for a solution. Wanting to bring you in on the process.
This is a SUPER raw post. This happened today and were my very thoughts to a teammate of mine..
