Friends, Hello!!
Time has this habit of creeping up on me, and before I know it, the things I was anticipating so long ago are now staring me right in the eyes.. I feel like yesterday was when I was just finding out that I was accepted to go on this crazy faith journey that has lead me to growing closer to the Lord, and now.. It’s already MAY!!! Where the time goes, is beyond me!
So.. Where am I at in all the craziness of preparing for this year long trip you may ask? Well, currently I have been meeting with people who have been through the World Race/ international missions to ask for wisdom. Sometimes I feel like I should just roll with things and see what may come from it, but lately I have had the urge to ask specific questions in regard to brokenness and being able to process that appropriately/ in a healthy way. This has lead me to grow closer to the Lord in and of itself actually.
I have no idea what it’s like to be starving for days, weeks, months, or even years. I have no idea what it’s like to work in the sex trafficking industry. I have no idea what it’s like to be physically hurting for years. I also don’t know what it’s like to lose everything that you have and to live off of little. BUT I do know what it’s like to be broken before the Lord. It’s hard, it’s challenging, but it’s also definitely worth it. My typically personality is to be filled with joy 24/7, but what I’m realizing is that you can have joy with sadness and it’s this beautiful emotion that the Lord uses to bring glory to himself. I want to experience that, and so much more. I want to be broken for other people and I want to share in the pain, and hard emotions that the Lord feels when He sees his people hurting. I know that that particular experience will be hard, but also eye-opening, and life-changing.
I want to be able to respond to people in a respectful way that will help their growth and not hinder, and honestly- I have no idea what that looks like. Normally when people are hurting I am quick to run to their aid- similar to a mother that watches their child fall off of their bike and get a bunch of scrapes and cuts- I want to smother them in love and care for them deeply in a tangible way. But that’s just it- sometimes I smother people in love and they aren’t growing because I will constantly be aiding them or doing it for them and not letting them think or feel for themselves. This friends, is what has been heavy on my heart this week. Their are people hurting in the states, and I totally get that. I have been getting a glimpse of that while in Seattle, and it’s hard- I don’t know how to respond, but the Lord has been walking me through that process, and it’s been bittersweet.
Training camp is less than three months away and I’m nervous as well as excited. I’m nervous because we have to pass a physical “test” before being fully accepted: hiking 3 miles in Georgia heat in August with our 50 lb packs in only 50 minutes- Lord give me strength! I’m excited to meet the people I’ve been getting to know on my team and to really get some details of what this next year might look like, but it seems to me that the time will be here before I know it and I’m going to stare at people like a deer stares at headlights-dumbfounded. 😛
I have all of my gear which is AMAZING and a total weight lifted off of my shoulders!!! 🙂 To those of you who have been supporting me- thank you so much- this would not be possible without you- seriously though!!! To those who may still be curious- I have a lot of support left to raise- if you feel lead, please donate financially or prayerfully, as both are needed! I’m almost at 25% of my goal, which is super EXCITING!!! 🙂 My goal is still to be fully funded before I leave in October, please pray that the Lord provides in His timing and I can trust in His plans for me! 🙂
Thanks! 🙂
<3 Mariah
