Dependence is something we strive for. When we are little we look forward to our first sleepover or camp out with our parents. We crave the day we get our drivers license and we get our first car. Then it’s Graduation from a University and from there life becomes about your independence and proving yourself. Life easily becomes about the paycheck, the picket fenced house, and the schedule that consumes you. Suddenly successfulness is defined by the accomplishment personal goals.
That’s where I can tell you that I have made a wrong turn. That’s where I listened to Pride. I have never defined success accurately for myself. This month I have found my answer in what success is not. It not found in getting what I want out of life. That is not the goal or desire that God intended for me. God wants me to glorify Him by finding His promises, miracles, and dreams.
In order for me to actually find His promises, miracles, and dreams I need to become the follower. I need to set aside my desire to be independence and control.
Throughout the past four months in Asia God has stirred in my heart some ugly truths. He has shown me my desire to check Missionary off my list of things to accomplish. He has proven that everything happens in His timing and that He exists in the overflow. Missions will always be a part of my life, but it will no longer be idolized or put on a pedestal in my heart.
God also has provided a lot of clarity in where He is in the overflow. God radiates through my relationships with seniors because it is a place where I have absolutely nothing to give them. They have lived their life and are seeing the blessings around them. Even in Asia I have been able to establish instant relationships by just smiling or holding their hands. I can’t speak their language or begin to understand what living in poverty for a lifetime looks like but God reveals His love in those moments. I have never truly believed this to be a gift until I came across the globe.
Living out of the place of Christ’s overflow is where I no longer depend on myself, my experiences, or my conveniences to create a positive outcome. The place where I have to have complete dependence and faith in Christ.
I am now starting a new journey of faith, filled with obstacles, challenges, and lots of uncertainties.
After two months of seeking God for clarity and direction through sleep deprived nights, battling with my pride and insecurities of failing, and seeking wisdom from mentors I have made the decision to leave the race early. This decision was not an easy or hasty one. To my squad and teammates I Thank you for the love and encouragement through the last four months. To my supporters I Thank you for your generosity and know that every dollar is going to further the Kingdom in powerful ways through AIM! To my family and friends Thank you for the encouragement and I look forward to sharing stories and furthering His Kingdom in America!
