My team has spent the last 3 weeks here in Nsoko, Swaziland with three of the other teams from my squad at what’s called “The Anchor Center.” Some of us have been tenting, and some of us have been sleeping in bunk beds inside this house, full of cement, propane stoves, and LOTS of bugs! Much of our time is spent lying on our stomachs, covered in red dirt that deceives us by looking like tans, reading our bibles, journaling, coloring, and playing pretty much every game in the book! It has been an adventure just living in constant, 24/7 community, and has taught me a lot in itself, (that’s something I will put in a separate blog).
I wanted to talk a little bit about what we have been doing here in Swaziland. We are working together with Adventures in Missions, pretty much acting as helping hands wherever, and whenever we can at the anchor center, or the care points. The care points are basically sections of the community that have been set up by the community to help the kids who need a little extra support. Adventures in Missions simply partners with them, and goes alongside wherever they are needed.
We have spent a lot of time playing with the kids, loving them, helping the “go go’s” or the grandma’s of the community feed them. We taught them a bible study, washed the go go’s feet, and have played a whole lot of Simon says, and head, shoulders, knees and toes. We have even helped build fences, and machete grass to help manually around the care points and anchor center! It’s been a lot of fun, and so good to have moments that have made me really feel like I was able to make even a slight difference to their lives.
I will never forget this one little girl, Anehle at our care point. One day, during our time with the kids, she had been sitting all by herself, while all of the kids were running around, toppling all over themselves, and pushing each other down and out of the way so they could be played with. She just sat alone, with a blank expression on her face. It was as if she was numb, and just felt so defeated by her life. I don’t know if she had been going through something, or if she just didn’t feel loved at home. Whatever it was, it literally broke my heart. I went up to her, and she timidly let me hold her. That’s what we did for about just 25 minutes or so. The whole time, I could just feel the sadness from her. She just seemed so mournful. I’m not even sure what it was, and I hated that I couldn’t do more.
I began asking her questions after a while. I started with, “do you feel loved?” She said, “no” in a quiet mumble. Then I followed with “do you know that Jesus loves you?” Again, “no”. After she kept saying no, I started to wonder if she would say anything else, so I asked her another question, “do you know who Jesus is?”, and she told me that she did. It was at this point that my heart felt like praying for her, so I asked if I could, because I wanted to plant that seed and to just intercede for her. I wanted to call on him to come into her life and to let her really FEEL loved by him. I wanted her to not just know who he is, but to know that he loves her. So when she told me that it was okay, and I started praying for her, it was like a pain started all the way down in my belly that came up into my chest, and burned my throat. It was as if I was feeling what she felt, or maybe what God felt for her. I don’t know what she goes through at home, or what she has experienced to make her feel unloved, but in that moment I could feel her pain, and I broke down. I was trying to hold back the tears, but I just couldn’t. It broke me to hear a little sweet girl tell me she didn’t feel loved, with more than just her face. She actually SPOKE it out. I wanted to protect her, and for God to move in her life, and to just be with her and comfort her. As I opened up my eyes, I looked down at her sweet face on my chest and her eyes were closed. She seemed to be intently listening, and soaking in the moment. When she opened up her eyes, I lightly touched her nose inviting her to smile, and I got a little curve of the mouth. That brought me so much joy in that moment. It was even more so when I asked her the same question of “do you feel loved?” and “do you know that Jesus loves you?” and she said “yes” this time, to both questions. I just gave her a huge bear hug, and smiled the hugest smile I could physically get out. As I smiled, she also began to smile, and emotion seemed to almost return to her face. It was like something in her broke in that moment. It was beautiful to see, truly. I will never forget Anehle.
I had to realize in this moment, that it isn’t what I am doing alone, but what God is working in these people’s hearts. We can love on them, play with them, teach them things, and paint a school like we did last month even. All of these things are wonderful, and absolutely necessary too, but the real change isn’t going to come from me. It comes from God. He is in control of everything and I see how he is changing my heart, and my life, so I need to believe and trust that he has the people here covered. Prayer really does change things. I have seen this happen multiple times already with people here, as well as with my own heart. It’s amazing to witness, and to be a part of.
Swaziland has been such a wonderful experience, because of the rawness that I have experienced. It’s been painful watching children so violently push each other off to compete for attention. It’s hurt seeing how truly little they have, seeing that their clothes don’t even fit them a lot of the time, and are covered in dirt and holes, sometimes exposing their private regions. There is WAY to much in the world that is broken, and that could be fixed. But I am seeing more and more that I am only here to be a small beacon of light in their lives. The real impact is through prayer, and the changes that God can do. I am here to be used by him to show that they are worthy of love even in spite of their circumstances. They are worthy human beings who are so amazing, and who have more hope than I could ever imagine having in some of the situations that they have. They are fighters here, for their hope, and for their lives. I just want to intercede for them on their behalf and truly just help where I can. But, I know that it’s not on me to change the world. It’s all on God, for real.
I just wanted to say thank you guys to all of my supporters on this journey! I am seriously so thankful for everyone who has supported me this far. I am still in need of about $3500 in order to be fully funded, and I really need all the help that I can get because I can’t raise the money on my own. If you would, please consider donating to partner with me so that I can stay here. My heart is so for these people. It would be such a tremendous help to me! Thank you again, and much love!
Love you all, and I will see you all before you know it! 🙂
-Mariah
