What is your passion? – Part One

I am currently in Battambang, Cambodia. 

I will officially be on American soil in thirty-eight days. 

Since my last blog I spent a week in Chiang Mai, Thailand with my parents at an event called PVT (Parent Vision Trip) and a weekend in Siem Reap, Cambodia for an event called the Awakening.

This week and a half or so was a jam-packed, roller coaster ride physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

At PVT there was time for catching up with my parents and time for serving in ministry with them. We went exploring, attempted to give one another feedback, prayed, worshiped, and encouraged. We had difficult conversations with each other and learned how to more intentionally invite the Lord into those. We rode elephants. We shopped (and if you know my mother then you know that we shopped ALOT). We ate Thai food (well, dad and I did). We laughed together and cried together.

Safe to say there was a lot going on in a matter of just a few quick days.

Then, I said goodbye to my mom and dad and hopped directly onto a bus with my squadmates. About 20 hours later we arrived at the Thai/Cambodian border. We got our visas, drove a few more hours and finally arrived later that day at a hotel in Siem Reap. We were told we had two hours to check in, get settled, and meet at a location around the corner for dinner. Just like that we were knee deep in the waters of another crazy whirlpool of non-stop worship, fellowship, and ministry only this time instead of with our parents we were with two other squads of world racers (aka about 150 people I had never met before)…

WOW

Talk about having a lot thrown at you all at once and having no time to even think about what is happening, let alone process what happened yesterday when you sent your parents home or the day before when you told your parents you have this crazy idea about how God is calling you into long-term ministry. 

Anyways… So I go to dinner, only to find out that I will be eating in the second group and I have 45 minutes to just sit. WHAT A BLESSING. I think this was the first time I just sat and took a deep breath in about a week. IT WAS INCREDIBLE. 

On the wall across from the papasan chair (yes, I know how to pick ’em) that I found to rest on was one of those home decor paintings with a quote written across it. One of the lines of the quote directed me to ask the next person that I saw what their passion was. I obeyed. And then I couldn’t stop asking. Anyone that came over to the seats around me I would ask, “Hey, so… what is your passion?” 

Real casual, right? 

Thankfully I’m not one for small talk and many people know this about me so I don’t think anyone was really even phased by the depth of my query. 

So I had a few great conversations. I learned a lot about some of my squad-mates. And then I really started thinking about what my answer to the question would be. 

But, then it was time for dinner. On the move yet again. Another thought needing processing forced to the back-burner of my brain.

Thankfully only for a brief moment, though.

 

 

**cue worship music on a rooftop under a starry night sky**  

**cue time for taking some of my crazy thoughts to the Lord**

**cue the lightbulb turning on above my head**

 

I have been asking the Lord for months now about what is next for me.

I think now that I finally took the time to sit and listen He, very clearly, helped me to realize exactly the direction that I need to be focused on working towards after the race.

God gave me the answer to my question: What is your passion? 

My passion has always been people. I have always known that, but I knew it there had to be so much more to it. I am also extremely passionate about helping and I absolutely love to travel. I trust that God would allow all of these things to come together for me in the future for His glory. 

It was crazy how it all started to make sense on that rooftop with my head bowed and tears streaming down my face.

My passion is young people. People who, like me, in middle school, high school, maybe college get caught up in the ways of this world and choose to put so many other things above their relationship with the Lord. Young people who have such a deep desire to be loved that they turn to anything they can in an attempt to feel it without really knowing that God created us with that desire with the sole intent of being able to fill it for us. 

 

***

Let me pause and give you a little background from my life. 

When I was seventeen years old I was uninvited from a mission trip that I had already begun fundraising for and un-welcomed from a youth group that I had been attending since early middle school. This all happened because I made a decision to date a boy who had a negative influence on my decision-making and overall attitude. I was told that I was not the “kind of Christian” that they wanted representing their church in another country.  I was quite literally told that I was not good enough. But, it wasn’t a big deal at the time because this is something that I already believed about myself. I believed that I was never good enough, that I was unwanted, that I was unloved. These are the reasons why I ran into the arms of the first guy who told me that he loved me. 

The Christian Leadership in my life, my Christian community, failed me.  

The church shut its doors on me when really all they needed to tell me was to get my act together. They should have told me that I did not need to run into anyone’s arms except for my heavenly Father’s. 

I don’t want you to think I was some horrible person. I valued a few relationships above the Lord and I devoted much more of my time to the party scene than I did to praying and reading my Bible. But other things in my life that I was doing – volunteering and school and working – these were all just as empty and unfulfilling because I wasn’t doing them from the right heart posture.

It’s not about should have, could have, would have. I don’t bring this up because I am bitter. I bring this up because the experiences that I have been through contribute greatly to the woman that I am today.

A woman who has walked through abandonment, betrayal, feelings of unworthiness, and desperation. A woman who chose to place a social life or relationships with guys over her relationship with Christ. A woman who searched high and low in darkness, but was continually left wanting more. A woman who was pursued so purposefully by the Lord through it all that she finally ran back to Him and saw the error in her ways. A woman who fully understands the message of the parable about the prodigal son. 

***

 

I want to be there for young people because I know what it was like to be young and feel like no one was there for me. Yes, my amazing parents have been there through everything, but parents are not always the most useful tools for the Lord to use on teenagers and young adults during those stages of life. 

God has revealed to me that there is so much power in my story and influence in my testimony. God wants me to boldly and confidently share both of those with others.

I want to make every effort that I can to fill the gap between the Father’s unconditional, infinite love and those people who are looking in all the wrong places for it. 

On that rooftop I gained a whole new appreciation for this world race community that I am so blessed to be a part of. I have learned so much over the last ten months about the freedom that we can find in fellowship and I know that I would not be where I am today without each and every person that was placed in my life on this journey. To say that my perception of a “church family” has been completely redeemed would be an understatement.

 

I might not know exactly what is next, but I know that God intends to surround me with a community of believers who will continue to build me up. And I know that He intends to use me in big ways if only I choose to accept His direction.