I keep trying to find a good way to start this blog, but I’m honestly coming up with nothing. I don’t have any super encouraging words or something that will draw you in, because honestly I’ve just felt blank lately. So I’ll just get right to it.
The World Race is NOTHING like I thought it would be. We all get this idea in our minds about how this is going to be an adventure where something exciting and wonderful happens every single day. Where our lives will literally look like the Instagram accounts of all the racers that we’ve been following. We think that every other day we’ll be hiking mountains, sitting under waterfalls, or riding elephants. Yes, we have those days, but they only happen a couple days a month, maybe. The other days are spent living an incredibly normal life.
I’m going to be honest and say that I had extremely high expectations like that for the race, and I was sorely let down. Life on the race isn’t a crazy adventure every other day, in fact, most days are fairly routine. Yes, we highlight the awesome and wonderful adventures that we get to experience, but that’s normally all that we highlight. No one wants to see an instagramed picture of the emotional breakdown that you had last week, or the fight that you had with your teammate. You all don’t want to see the pictures of us laying in our own pools of sweat thinking about how much we miss our old lives. (Yes, this has happened…)
This is by far the hardest thing that I’ve ever done, and I knew that it was going to be, but it’s different once you’re in it. The truth is that I’m tired. I’m tired of all of it. I’m tired of carrying my stupid pack around because somehow it weighs approximately one million pounds at this point. I’m tired of having to face and deal with every single emotion that I have because there is literally no way around it. I have been shown more weaknesses of mine on this race than I have my entire life combined. If there’s something that I’m frustrated with or that I don’t want to deal with, that’s too bad. There’s literally no way around it. Now I know some of you may be thinking that it’s great to know your weaknesses so that you can become stronger, and I agree, but when they are pointed out to you for seven straight months, it starts to get really hard.
I am in constant community with my team, and I mean CONSTANT. You literally spend ALL of your time with the same people, and no matter how much you love someone, that gets really hard. If you have a problem with a teammate, you have no choice to but to confront them, no matter how many times you have to. You can’t just chose to not see them for a while and cool off, because you’re going to see them in the morning when you wake up.
My hair is falling out and my body is in constant pain- not only from my million pound pack, but from all of the rock hard “beds” that I sleep on. My body absolutely hates what I’m doing to it, and it reminds me by the excruciating pain that my back and shoulders are pretty much always in. My teammates and I are constantly getting sick, and for about two months straight at one point, my stomach was hating everything. I know that I definitely didn’t think about the physical toll that this trip would take on my body.
This is also not a “woe is me” post either, because I’m definitely not the only racer experiencing these things. Most of us do.
I have found myself taking the easy way out of things a lot lately though. I would rather spend more of my time in the air conditioned hostel watching Netflix than going out and exploring the new city that we’re in. I keep skipping out on reading my bible and seeking Jesus first every single day. I’m seeking out more comforts from home than anything. The more I think about it, the more it makes me sad. I didn’t come on this trip to sit in a room and watch TV, but at this point, that’s the easy thing.
I want my fire, passion, and excitement back. I want each month to feel like I’m starting the race all over again. I don’t want to be tired anymore.
Despite all of the struggles that I’ve faced though, this trip has been the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. I have seen miracles performed and found out that my heart belongs in Africa. I have danced and sang and praised God with people around the world. I have held the most precious children and gotten to show them love. I have hiked mountains, found waterfalls, and I even rode an elephant. I have learned how to love better, and have seen some of the most wonderful examples of God’s love I’ve ever experienced. I have healed from so many things that I never thought was possible. I have seen sides of God that I didn’t even know existed. I have fallen and failed many times, but have been shown more love, grace, and mercy from God than I knew was possible.
Yesterday morning I got to hang out with an awesome group of handicapped children at Bethany Home and dance with them. Two nights before that I got to sing “Three Little Birds” with some Rastas in a reggae hostel in Malaysia, and anyone who knows me, knows my love for reggae. A couple nights before that, I got to meet a woman named Esther on the street who told us about how she came to Christianity after being a strong Buddhist. We got to hear about all that God has done in her life and share what we were doing here in Malaysia. Before that even, I got to meet a family who started out as strangers, then welcomed us into their house with open arms for a home cooked meal, just because they wanted to show us love. The point is, this IS an adventure, it just looks a little different than I had expected.
The World Race is a hard, beautiful, challenging, sometimes terrible, but always amazing trip, and I’m not giving up yet.
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble ad fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
-Isaiah 40:29-31
