I don’t really know how to begin this other than to say the Philippines was a pretty rough month for me.
Where we were living was amazing! We were up in the mountains in the middle of nature (my favourite place to be). We were living in this cute building that included a church, eating room, and a second level with rooms that we could stay in. The family that we were living with was so sweet and such a blessing to us! I was on a new team that I absolutely loved! And I loved the ministry that we were able to do.
Yet, I really struggled.
One thing that I really struggled with was a decision that leadership made that I didn’t agree with and didn’t understand. I won’t get into it completely, but I’ll just say that obeying my authority in this particular decision was probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do on the race so far. Multiple times I went down a path on one of the mountains and just sobbed.
I also really started to struggle with being angry with God, something I’ve never been through before. I believe that this was partly due to what I just mentioned above, as well as a culmination of everything that had been going on at home throughout the race. I finally hit a point where I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Since being on the race, there has been quite a bit of stuff that has happened back home that has been really hard. It’s been a both a blessing and a curse to be away this year. It has been nice not to have to deal with everything on a daily basis, but it’s been hard to know that I’m not around to be able to support my family and friends who have been going through some pretty tough things.
So, I was just in a really rough place. I couldn’t fix anything and felt that there was so much happening out of my control that was hurting both me and the people I love.
Thankfully, PVT was at the end of the month. PVT stands for Parent Vision Trip. It’s a chance for racers’ parents to come out, visit them on the field, and do ministry alongside them. And, my parents were coming!
God’s timing is just so incredible. He knew how much I needed to see my parents. The few days we had together were so uplifting. They were able to remind me why I was on the race. They were able to speak to me about the things I was struggling with and help me to have a different perspective. I was able to see how strong their faith is in the middle of a very difficult season of life. They inspired me and encouraged me.
I’m definitely still working through some things, but I’m in a much better place than I was last month. After the Philippines, we were given new teams again (Team #5, whoop whoop!). I’m on a team of girls who are pushing me in my faith and encouraging me to spend time in the Word.
I want to thank all of you who have supported me and kept me in your prayers throughout this journey. I appreciate it more than you know and believe that your prayers have really made a difference, especially this past month.
