It doesn’t take much life experience to figure out that people can be all talk. Everyone has heard fishing stories where the fish caught was “this big”, and I’d be up for days if I had to count how often I’ve said the words, “I’m starting my diet tomorrow.” Sometimes we get so tangled in saying what we think people want to hear that we conveniently forget that God isn’t fooled when we sugarcoat the truth because he has a front row seat to our hearts.
As I watched Thailand disappear in the rearview mirror at the end of month 4, I wasn’t reminiscing about the ministry I was leaving behind or getting pumped up about the month lying ahead of me. Instead, I was having anxiety attacks about the inevitable team changes coming up. The bus was heading into foreign territory for me in every sense of the word: I didn’t know what part of Cambodia I would be in for the month or what I’d be doing for ministry and most importantly, I had to leave behind 4 girls who had become my family to live with a new team of people! I mean, I’m all for being challenged, but what if my new team is made up of 5 people on the squad who really challenged me?
It was at that moment that I realized (perhaps with a little help from the Lord Almighty), that I didn’t TRULY trust God. Before leaving for the race, I received so many, “Wow! You’re living out of a backpack and leaving home for a year? I could never do that!” My canned response after awhile was that I was trusting God and following what He called me to do. It took over four months for me to realize that I was using me going on the World Race as an excuse for not trusting God with everything. I was already trusting Him enough to leave home with only 40 pounds of stuff for a whole year… wasn’t that enough? No, it’s not. God never asked me to say yes to the race and then do it all on my own. He asked me to simply trust Him.
So that’s when I made the biggest mistake ever (kidding)… I asked God to help me to trust Him.
And boy did He answer my prayer! At the beginning of the month, we were squeezed into a tiny van which with each passing minute drove farther and farther away from any remnant of civilization. My team was dropped off at a church that was a 45 minute drive away from internet with absolutely no one that spoke English. Exhausted from our days of travel and too tired to set up my tent, I napped on the tile floor and woke up 30 minutes later with at least 20 kids sitting in three rows waiting expectantly for me to play with them.
I was thrown into a place with absolutely no comforts of home, a squatty potty, a pastor that didn’t speak English, and 5 girls I really didn’t know that well. And I had to trust God a little more.
The first day of ministry, we had to teach English to over 40 kids who didn’t even know the answer to “what is your name?” And I had to trust God a little more.
Around week 2 of ministry, I started to feel a little under the weather. And then under the weather became more like being in the middle of a hurricane. In three days, my fever climbed from 102 to being so high the thermometer couldn’t read it. That paired with Olympic-speed sprints to the squatty potty that involved quickly unzipping my tent and dodging an onslaught of grasshoppers caused me to trust God a little more.
Then our main contact, Dara, wanted us to move to a new church in a separate village. We had to leave the connections we’d made, abandon a pastor who had gone out of his way to make us feel at home, and say goodbye two weeks early to kids that went from giving us blank stares when we told them hello to mastering English prepositions. I was angry and resentful. And I had to trust God a little more.
At the new church we spent each morning walking to the nearby village and sharing the gospel, but the pastor we were with had very limited English. He would tell us a family was Christian while we were sitting next to the Buddhist spirit house on their front lawn. We asked if they had any questions about Jesus, and he wouldn’t understand what we were asking. It was extremely frustrating. And I had to trust God a little more.
Soon I will fly to Nepal for month 6 of the race. That’s all the information I really have about what lies ahead. We will be flying Malaysian Airlines. My ministry could be anything from teaching English to working with victims of sex trafficking next month. I could be in the city of Kathmandu or in a remote village sleeping in my tent.
What I do know is that it doesn’t matter because I don’t need to trust God a little more. He put many obstacles in my path this month, and if I’m being honest, month 5 has been the most challenging of my race so far. But with each frustration I faced, I learned to lean further into God’s provision. I wouldn’t change anything about my month in Cambodia because I have learned that there is nothing life can throw at me that God isn’t bigger than. I’ve read my bible and prayed more this month than I have in my entire life, and I now have a relationship with God in which I am trusting him with my life without holding anything back.
I have learned that what He has mapped out for the rest of my race, as well as the rest of my life, is greater than anything I could imagine on my own. And I don’t need to trust him anymore than that.
*Sidenote: Speaking of trust, I still need around $2,500 to meet my fundraising deadline at the beginning of March. Please prayerfully consider donating by clicking the “Support Me” link on the side menu. Thank you!
