There I am standing in a arena surrounded by 75,000 + college aged or older brothers and sisters in Christ with thousands of hands stretched high and arms reaching towards the heavens to praise our God. It the midst of thousands of voices and worship from the stage I feel something going on inside of me. During this particular Passion Conference they were bringing to our attention that millions were stuck in slavery or sex trafficking. Images and videos filled the huge screens letting us all know what was going on in the world. Thousands of christians standing in one place, worshiping a God who was calling us to DO SOMETHING. To reach out, to help out and to be a light. My heart was beating a hundred miles an hour and I remember thinking “ I cant just stand here! I need to do more! “ I got out of the aisle I was standing in and went to the open area and fell to my knees immediately. I can’t tell you why or how I just know I went and it happened. Before I knew what was happening my arms started tingling and it slowly started climbing from my arms to my face. I was on the floor sobbing and heart broken for Gods children stuck in these shackles and lies of believing they aren’t good enough or that they deserve this life. I couldn’t feel half of my body and my lips were numb but I kept praising God telling him I know something has to be done and to “send me, I’ll go”.
After that I went back to my seat and listened to the rest of the conference.
I of course made a donation towards the cause that God broke my heart about but then I returned home.
Sure the high was there and sure I was aware of what was going on and all of the people out there who didn’t have a voice but outside of praying (which is great to do don’t get me wrong) I didn’t step out and do anything bold like I felt God was calling putting in my heart in a huge way.
I was all about the red X on your hand for human trafficking and those trapped in slavery, but in the comforts of my everyday. I didn’t strive in HUGE ways to go where God may be calling me to GO. I didn’t always try to tell everyone about it like I should have if it was on my heart in such a big way.
I was living my comfortable, “easy” life letting myself be effected at times about what the Lord was putting on my heart but living my life outside of that. I was involved in a church that I loved and serving all the time. In all the ministries I could help in I did, and I filled my life with helping others and trying to be the best I could be but never acknowledged in huge ways that I told God “Send me, I’ll Go”!
I went on my mission trips every year, to South Africa, Naples Italy, Haiti and these were my “GO” times. Did God guide me to go on these? Sure He did and I know He had plans and things He had in mind for me to grow help and learn in while on them but these 1 1/2 – 2 week mission trips weren’t all he was calling me to. Those trips were preparing me for something more. He was equipping me to grow and get ready to serve around the world, but I didn’t know this yet, and still didn’t really fully grasp the “Send Me, I’ll Go” that I told God but He didn’t forget.
Fast forward to Passion 2014 in Houston Texas. Im siting in an arena again, surrounded by similar worship and while not 75,000 + still a very large number of christian brothers and sisters. The very fact that I am in Houston instead of Atlanta for Passion is because I was currently striving to prepare myself for what I felt God was calling me towards. I was in Houston trying to save up for the World Race. I moved from Lafayette Louisiana to Katy Texas to live with friends and I wasn’t even accepted to the World Race yet. I had this calling I felt like God was putting on my heart and I couldn’t ignore it, so I quit my job (which was supper hard bc I love them SO much), shortened my lease on my apartment, got rid of a good bit of my possessions and packed up and moved what I had left to Katy.
So I am sitting in the Passion conference and Louie ( I love him!!) said something like “ We haven’t even spoken about missions or long term missions this conference but I feel like God has some of you in this room tonight”. My heart seriously started beating out of my chest when He said “We haven’t even spoken” I was so unaware about why my heart was doing summersaults in my chest then Louie finished his sentence. I was completely aware that the Lord was working in me. Louie talked for a little while before asking those who were being called to stand, but I couldn’t hear anything he was saying because once again I was on the floor half my body numb crying and telling God “Send Me, I’ll Go”. This time I didn’t actually fall to my knees but I moved out in the aisle and was shaking. My heart was exploding in my chest and It was the most amazing feeling I have ever felt! I KNEW that even though I had not applied I was exactly where God wanted me and I was on the path leading to where He was striving for me to “GO”.
I applied the next day! I wasn’t going to ignore or push down what God was YELLING at me. I made that mistake once already and I wasn’t about to act like what He was calling me to wasn’t supposed to take precedence in my life. I started the application process and interviews and the nervous periods of “Will I get accepted?” But I DID!
I can honestly say that I have never been stretched like I am being stretched daily here. I am walking with my God and He has me the whole way. He is desiring for me to desire Him in deeper ways, to KNOW Him more, and to grow in a better relationship with Him. I love seeing God in the people He places in my path while on the race. It has been both heart breaking at times but life changing at others. Ive seen poor, needy, lost, broken and hurt, but I have also seen His children, His love in others Who know Him, His beauty in the lost and broken and Faith so strong in those who have nothing that make me want to grow in my Faith In my God.
I am now at a place where I can DO SOMETHING that has to do with the red light district. I asked God to break my heart for what broke His and He has brought me to a place to be able to shine His light, love and truth!
Is it easy? No of course not.
There are mornings I wake up and I am exhausted, and I would be lying if I said I never thought about missing a ministry, but that is not why I am here and that is not why God called me here!
I know that my body may be weary and my emotions may be everywhere, but God has us here for a reason.
Sometimes I am cranky and could use a nap but I have team mates who are there to remind me that I need to keep focus on why we are here even when exhausted.
I may miss family back home and get bummed because I never get to talk to them like I wish I could, but I have team mates (who offer me to chat with their family) and squad mates who have been here for me to grow closer to and a God ready to be there for me at any second I need Him.
I may be completely broken and just done some days, and thats ok!
I am where God wants me to be!
I wake up the next morning ask God to help me see with His eyes, love with His heart, and to be His hands and feet! I ask God to help keep my attitude in check everyday because I got wise words from an alumni racer/friend that the one thing they wish whey would have brought with them was a better attitude.
I want to be challenged and I want to be broken then put back together the way God wants me to be.
I want to see myself the way He sees me, and I want to be a better person because of what He is doing in me.
So keep praying! You all mean so much to me and your support is amazing! None of this is possible without my God and y’all every step of the way. Prayers for the sex trafficking victims in the red light district here and for the children sold by their families. Prayers for Chiang Mai Thailand and the darkness that is here, but also praise for the lights that are here right now and the impact we are ale to make with our God guiding us. Pray for the men who are in charge of these women, that their hearts would change and all these lost would know how beautiful they are to their father. Pray that they get a chance to know who their father is and all the truth and restoration He could bring to their lives! Pray Pray Pray!
Thanks guys! Love you all!
p.s.- We ride ELEPHANTS tomorrow!!!? WHATT! Is this REAL LIFE? 😀 Super excited!
