after 2 overnight train rides, separated by an 8 hr layover in a hot and dirty train station, paired with a team-wide bout with a stomach bug, we made it to oradea, romania… really not as bad as it sounds, but not the most pleasant experience either. for month 2, we are paired with another team from our squad at caminul felix ("happy home"), where we will be doing construction in the mornings & working with the orphans in the afternoons. little did i know that this incredible organization not only provides loving homes for orphaned and abandoned children, but it is also works through multiple projects to be as self-sustaining as possible, including running the largest dairy farm in the county! so, much to my surprise we pull onto a beautiful dairy farm for our ministry with orphans– not the picture i had in my mind, but then again god's plans are so much better than mine. i have to say, from the moment we pulled down the mile-long driveway, i felt like a kid visiting disney world for the first time. i couldn't explain the joy and excitement i had in my heart. first of all, i'm so excited to be living on a farm for a month (a state-of-the-art farm at that)… and i really hope i get the chance to do some farm-hand work!! secondly, team eucharistia who we are paired with this month has more joy for the lord & life than i have ever seen in a group of girls my age. i see so much in these women that i want– their desire for more of the lord, their passion and boldness in prayer & worship, the ability to see and speak life into others, and just the pure joy that radiates out of them.
all day i just felt god telling me that this is my month to find joy. this is my time to let my guard down, let go of the expectations of myself and those around me, let go of the reigns & give him the control, let go of the need to be so darn serious all the time, and just revel in his joy!! there are around 100 children living on this property who i'm going to have the opportunity to receive joy from and hopefully share joy with. this is my time to let all the expectations and need for performance fall to the wayside. this is not a performance. this is a time when i can find my silly side, delight in the lord, and find the joy that i so desperately seek and that only he can reveal to me.
tonight in worship i saw myself dancing with jesus, as we just laughed and smiled and twirled carelessly and freely. and i told him i would try my best to let him lead, but that i wouldn't just stand on his toes and let him carry me every step of the dance either– that i would dance my part, take my steps after his lead, let the sweet sound of the music carry me freely despite my lack of rehearsal or familiarity. my goal for this month is to go back to the little girl that felt the need to grow up so fast and be so mature, and to embrace my past but learn from it. it's not too late to find the innocent joy of a child within my heart & let it flow out of me. tonight, i'm praying for the lord to continue to: reveal the issues of my childhood that still need his healing, give me the willingness to make myself vunerable and step out of my comfort zone, and to reveal his joy to me so that i can continue this dance freely! this is going to be such an amazing month of growth & ministry, and i can't wait to see all that is revealed to me over the next few weeks 🙂
