i can already sense that i am growing through my time here serving mission possible in dobromirka, bulgaria (it feels slow & painful, although i left home less than 3 weeks ago.) i realized that as i hard as i tried not to, i still came into this process with expectations. this month, the place we are staying & working is a 20 or 30 minute drive from the nearest town, so our team has very little change of scenery & people to prevent monotony. after only 2 weeks here, it feels as though we've been here for 2 months. my teammates & ministry hosts are absolutely wonderful– don't get me wrong. i'm just used to spending lots of time alone or going and doing, so it's naturally difficult to have little control over where i am, who i’m with and for how long. i find myself longing for the freedom of hopping in my car and going somewhere—anywhere!
while the setting is peaceful & we have plenty of "down time," our actual ministry is a bit more mundane than I was prepared for (we've been painting a fence this week.) the quiet work time leaves a lot of room for my mind to miss home & wander just exactly what i've gotten myself into. however, i’m really trying to use this work to increase my humility. even if i can’t see the ways that cleaning a kitchen or painting a fence are bringing glory to god, he knows my heart and the deeds that i do. for the first time in my life, i don’t have to feel the need to achieve or perform in order to get praise, acceptance, or love. i can learn to let go of the need for immediate results or a pat on the back. i’m not feeding the hungry or loving on orphans this month, but the selflessness i strive for and the work i’m doing for others is still worthy of god’s praise. i am learning to desire god’s approval above the approval & acceptance of those around me… this is a daunting task that is contrary to ways i've always known.
while i know that i'm exactly where i’m supposed to be & that god has huge plans to change my heart & spirit this year, i'm having a hard time being patient and taking it one day at a time. it's so easy to think about the fact that i'm away from home for almost an entire year, instead of soaking up this opportunity and the lessons it's teaching me. i know this year will fly by & i won't be able to get back the time i waste longing for the familiar, so i'm praying for a good attitude, peace & joy each day. i am really trying to rest in the lord & let him work at his pace. i am asking for the ability to see beauty in the small things. i am already seeing positive change in the way i interact with people, my level of patience, and my willingess to relinquish control. for the remainder of my time in bulgaria, i am striving to take advantage of the free time to learn from the knowledgeable people around me, pray & study god’s word. i know that this time is preparation for what’s to come & for the more difficult circumstances of the other countries we will be working in, so i just pray that i have eyes to see & ears to hear the things i need to absorb this month! i am thankful for my teammates, who are in this thing with me—they have been so encouraging & gracious, understanding yet willing to push me & hold me accountable. i am looking forward to growing and learning with them this year, & seeing the ways god is going to use us for great things!
our team girls (me, savannah, anne, kate) alex (ministry assistant) w/ our team boys (logan & logan)
