It’s an easy question. A simple one. Yet I feel like I have nothing to say and everything to say all at the same time…
I could write a book, but I feel like all the words in the world wouldn’t be enough. So it is with the things of God. Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. (The closing of the gospel of John).
Words are finite things. In their very essence, they constrain and limit. It’s not their fault; it’s what they were created to do. But it also renders them completely inadequate to capture the things of God. It almost feels as though I am cheating you by giving you bullet points. Take these words for what they are. I offer them to you as tiny glimpses into the Indescribable.
Written in desperate, scribbled letters in my journal are the words WHO AM I? It’s a question we all ask ourselves, and it is oftentimes the catalyst for our journeys of self-discovery. In fact, one year ago I quoted Donald Miller from Blue Like Jazz when explaining to a friend why I was going on the World Race. I feel like I’m becoming who I should be instead of who I am. I can’t tell you when it happened for me, but I was talking with Gary the other day, who has been on this journey with me since last September, and he said, So you know who you are now… And I had one of those moments where you want to laugh and cry at the same time and you feel like you’re spirit’s going to explode. YES! Yes, I have risked losing everything and found myself! I used to spend SO much time thinking about what others thought of me, and I just don’t do that anymore. I am on my way to becoming unoffendable and claiming no rights of my own. I am BOTH humbled in knowing that I am dependent on my Father for my next breath AND empowered knowing that His Spirit lives in me and beckons me to change the world. Haha!
I am also beginning to walk in my gifts and in the authority I have in Jesus. I have accepted the following (“learned” doesn’t cut it – “learning” says that I’m trying to wrap my mind around something – “accepting” says that I know I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it, but I believe it’s true, so hey – let’s give it a shot): that when I am following the Spirit of God, I have authority to do anything (and more) that Jesus did. Heal. Prophecy. Cast out demons. Intercede. Love sinners. I have accepted that I am gifted by God in order to build up the Body and prepare the Bride. Teaching. Intercession. Mercy. Encouragement. Discernment. And the greatest of these is love. I have accepted that I can do more than pray for His Kingdom to come (which is also good to do), I can actually be Kingdom.
I have been awakened to a greater reality. I know that there is so much more to this life than just surviving to pay the rent. I am finished with colorless dreams of self advancement and a life of comfort and ease. You see, there’s a crazy Man calling me from the shoreline… and He wants to take my life and make it great… (unbelievable!). He has already led me around the world, and I can’t forget what I’ve seen – the pain, the joy, the suffering, the hope, the loneliness, the love.
Well, that’s it. There’s so much more, but that’s all I can do with words right now. If you would really like to know how I’ve changed this year, I invite you to continue on this Journey with me. Walk with me. Look into my eyes and see the movement of the Spirit of God. Watch my life. Let us journey on together and maybe, in time, our spirits will grow and we will know more of the answer.
