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Over and over and over and over again. I will stir up my soul to lay hold of that which I cannot comprehend. And then, I’ll just lean into sovereignty. I’ll embrace a mystery. I’ll just rest in You, as I bathe in Truth. Over and over and over and over again. This is my simple devotion, my walk of faith, day by day. Then I hear You say as you rejoice over me, “Oh angels! Oh angels! Look and see! Through that dark night of faith she is gazing at Me. Oh angels! Oh angels! Look and see! Through that cloud of unknowing, she’s gazing at Me!” – Misty Edwards
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I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.
I can’t do this.
I just can’t do this.
I spent the morning emotional and angry, rethinking the night before.
I had talked with a friend.
“I hate working here [at the bar]. I have to go with every man that calls for me. But my parents are sick and I need to pay the doctors…” I had received word that my thirteen-year-old friend, who had been brought out of the bar life, had run away from the safehouse the night before. On the streets, she was attacked, beaten, and raped. She is back at the safehouse, more broken and ashamed than ever… We had walked around a hotel lobby known for having trafficked women available to rent. The lobby was teeming with men. They stared at me, asking with their eyes, ”
are you for sale?” I wanted to throw up on the marble tile. I watched the women.
What are your stories? What horrors have you known? How did you end up here, and what is the fear that holds you captive?
I paced my room at the base. My mind was racing; my spirit was restless. I just wanted to
break something! I searched the room for something to throw against the wall, and then my spirit found the prayer to express the desperation.
I need to break something. I NEED
YOU TO BREAK SOMETHING! My God! Mighty Rescuer! Break something in the spiritual realm. Something has to change! All I know at the core of my being is that it can’t stay like this! This kingdom cannot stand!
I want to tell these girls that You are going to rescue them. “Save them from violent men. Reach down from on high and take hold of them; draw them out of deep waters.” But are You?!? Are You going to rescue them?
The systematic oppression is relentless and the darkness is overwhelming. My spirit can’t breathe. I know you hate this more than I do, so what do You want to do about it? I don’t see You here. I can’t see anything!
Then it hit me. I saw myself standing on the sea in the middle of a raging storm. My head was spinning. The wind was whipping me back and forth, and the waves were looming over my head. I was sinking.
And then I saw Your hand. Reaching out to me. I heard the gentle, loving whisper.
My love, why so little faith?
Now, faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Lord, help me. Help me to hope. Help me to be certain of You.
This afternoon, I stood on the rooftop and screamed.
My God! Come down here! We need You here! Bring Your Kingdom to this place! Then the still, small voice spoke to me.
My Kingdom is in you.
Rob Bell says in
Velvet Elvis, “Why blame the dark for being dark? It is far more helpful to ask why the light isn’t as bright as it could be.”
Could it be that when we’re waiting on God to do something, He’s waiting on us? Can you hear Him?
My spirit lives in you. I have given you prophecy. Now go unlock those girls. I have given you discernment. Now follow me into the storm. I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Now go breathe life into the dead. I AM love. Reveal me. I am giving you faith. Now, come… walk on water.
